I had every intention of posting yesterday. (How many times have I said that before?) I even had times yesterday to write up a post. I had a song I wanted to share for Sunday Song. It’s been a long time since I’ve posted one of those.

And then I got sick. Sick like I was before I ever had surgery. Well, let me go back and change that a little bit….almost as sick as before. Because at least this time I never threw up. It’s the second time since surgery that I’ve felt REALLY sick. And it’s so confusing because an hour earlier I was at church and felt FINE. But as soon as I got home and went upstairs, I felt very sick. I felt like I was going to throw up, and my head began to pound. I got in bed and stayed there for the rest of the night (I got home from church around 8:15pm). The only time I got up was to go in the bathroom. Thankfully I didn’t throw up then.

I played some music, one song inparticular was played many times, and I tried to just rest. Of course all this was done sitting up in bed, just like before surgery. Because, like before, any time I would even begin to lay down I would feel instantly even more sick. My doctor, before surgery, explained why this would happen. He said that everyone has pressure in their head and that when you lay down, the pressure shifts around. This isn’t a bad thing. But, for me, it was. The pressure would affect the tumor, pressing it down. That’s why my neck would hurt so much when I woke up; the pressure had made the tumor move towards my neck. Of course, through out the day, the pressure returns to “normal” and there’s much less, or no, pain. It also explains the throwing up. The same explanation goes towards throwing up as soon as I would wake up. Except that throwing up would last all day.

Do I think the tumor has begun to come back? No. I don’t think so. Do I know why I’m feeling a lot like I did before surgery? No idea.

Around 10:00pm last night, my mom brought me medicine. The same stuff I took after surgery. And boy let me tell you, it knocked. me. out.

I don’t remember anything after taking the medicine, and it never had that effect on me before. Normally I’m up until 3:00am trying to fall asleep. My body just doesn’t get tired until around that time. But I was OUT after I took that medicine. At some point my mom must have come in and turned off my light, because it was off when I woke up at 6:00am and then at 9:30am. I had to sleep sitting straight up, like before, but I was able to at least sleep. I went into work this morning and although I’m feeling better, my head is still hurting. My stomach feels fine though. Thank goodness.

I will say, though, that I’m pretty confused. I don’t understand why I’m feeling this way again. It’s not supposed to be happening. Like I said, though, I don’t think the tumor is coming back. It’s reallyyyyy not likely. But the MRI in November will show either way, so I’m not worried. I was talking to God about it last night before I took the medicine (trying to focus on anything but throwing up) and I just said, “Okay, I don’t get this. I’m confused. Is it to remind me what You’ve gotten me through? To help me remember what it used to be like? Because I remember. I don’t think it has come back, God. I don’t understand Your plans, but I trust You. But I really would like to know the plans.”

Phew. Just had to get my thoughts out there and record what happened last night/today. Now if the doctor needs to know, I’ll have this to go back to. Thanks for listening, I’m sure it’s not that interesting to anyone not going through it lol. :)