Last week I had a conversation with Satan.
A little talk, if you will.
Well, no. More of an argument.
No, that’s not quite right either.
A one-sided yelling match.
In my head of course. Because I’m not completely loony.
But that’s besides the point.
Out of no where I was hit with the thought of suicide (NO I wasn’t going to do anything, nor did I want to do anything. The thought just came to me for no reason.). So I gave Satan a little talk. Went a little like this:
You don’t get to control me like this. You don’t get to just walk on in and give me these sorta thoughts. I’m not going to do anything. I’m different. I’m not the same. You’re a jerk and I’m not going to follow what you want me to do. I’m not stupid. He wins in the end. Don’t you get that? You lose. He wins. I win. We win. YOU. LOSE. You get to burn forever. Haaaaa sucks for you. You, the one trying to get everyone else there with you so you won’t be alone. And you get to be locked up for a thousand years, too. So no, you don’t win. He wins. And in this moment, right here? I win. Not you. Because you don’t get to control me. You don’t get to have this power over me. I won’t entertain that thought like in the past, because it’s not. the. past. I’m not the same girl and I know better now. And you’re still the same jerk. So no. Nice try, but no. YOU. LOSE.
I realize this probably isn’t very typical for anyone out there. I promise it doesn’t happen often. But I do remember one time I was starting to believe the lies he was feeding me (unlovely, unworthy, not enough, ugly, etc) and I finally had had enough and just said, “You know what, I’m done. All I want to do is kick you to Hell and then kick you back again and again and again.”
I wanted to hurt Satan.
Isn’t that ridiculous? But I wanted to just grab him and hurt him over and over. I’d had enough.
Am I the only one with a couple of these one-sided yelling matches in her past? If you’ve never tried it, trust me it feels so good to just let him have it. Who cares if you hurt his feelings? All he does is seek and aim to hurt yours and destroy your life. So I let him have it from time to time. And it feels good.