I don’t have pretty words or coherent sentences for you tonight. Nothing I type out would begin to make sense. I know, because it doesn’t even all make sense in my head.
My heart has been going through a lot recently. Nothing terrible or life-altering…yet I feel deep inside me that this time in my life, these past few months, are going to shape a piece of me that will always remain.
I feel like I’m the statue being carved down, pieces shaven off here and there, or the piece of pottery being formed, lumps of clay being removed time after time.
I’ve tried to make sense of it all in my head, but I’ve come to the conclusion that
No matter what I do, no matter what I say, no matter what idea I come up with…it will not all make sense.
I only see what’s happening here and now, and yet so often I DON’T see it.
My eyes are open but I am blind.
Blind to those around me.
Blind to what all is happening, changing.
Blind to what needs to be done.
I try to live with my eyes open, ready to see what is coming next, watchful of the stories being woven around me.
So while I don’t have many answers, and while I don’t understand how to get my thoughts out on the page in a way that will make any sense at all, I do know one thing:
I don’t want to live blind.