Needing Wisdom

If you’re a praying type of person, would you please pray for wisdom for me? And would you ask people to also be praying? I’m going back to Miami tomorrow morning for an MRI. Nothing unusual for me, I’ll go back there twice a year for a few years and then it’ll change to once a year visits. Each one will include an MRI, which I’m already used to.

I know what to expect. I know how to put on the gown, look the other way when the needles come out and go into my arm, lay down on the table and control my breathing so I don’t panic as I slide into the machine. I’m slowly becoming a pro at ignoring the obnoxious beeping as the scanner goes all around my head for a straight hour. I’ve gone through the entire process multiple times. I know what to expect and nothing about it worries me.

But I need wisdom for what to say to my doctor tomorrow. The neurosurgeon who removed the tumor from my brain is a really nice guy, but super professional. The kind of person that asks how you’re doing, waits to hear that you’re fine, and then moves on to the next person. As long as the scan shows I’m fine and I say those two magic words, he can write me off until another 6 months go by. That’s fine, I understand. There are people to see and surgeries that require his help.

But the truth is that I’m not fine. I’m not perfectly okay and I haven’t really said a word about it to anyone. This is the first time…I’m not fine. If I had gone to my appointment a few weeks ago I could have said those words and not felt too guilty about lying. It wasn’t bad then. But we had to cancel and now the appointment is tomorrow…and things have happened in these few weeks that make the words “I’m fine” a lie. I don’t want to lie, but I don’t want any more tests.

I want to come home and show up at 4:30 Saturday morning ready to leave for Panama. I want to experience a different culture, love on the people there, and share my Jesus with them. I  want this trip to wreck me. But to do that I have to go on the trip, not stay home for some tests. I need wisdom in what to say tomorrow, so if you would please pray and/or ask people to also pray for wisdom, I would be so grateful.