Oh LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me. -Psalm 30:2
This past Saturday marked the 2 year anniversary of my brain surgery.
July 6, 2010
It seems like forever ago, yet it seems like only yesterday.
How does time play with our minds and emotions that way?
Once again, we had family reunion/vacation at the same beach (we’ve gone there for over 20 years now) and I was thrown right back into the memories.
After all, I spent July 3-5, 2010 there…not knowing if those would be my last days of living on earth.
Surgery wasn’t supposed to kill me, certainly not. But when you have a brain tumor there are so many unknowns.
Cancer? I had no idea.
Could they remove all of it? I didn’t know.
Would I need more surgeries in the future? We would have to wait and see.
Would I wake up from surgery? Only God knew.
I don’t want to be morbid, but I think we all know that when you’re faced with brain surgery, there are no guarantees that something won’t go wrong. You just don’t know if you’ll wake up the next morning, and if you do wake up will you still be able to see, smell, hear?
July 3-5, 2010 I took in life.
I lived hard and I lived deep.
I took the time to walk outside and smell the ocean. I stood outside our little condo and just looked at grass. Have you ever realized just how beautiful and amazing grass is? The different colors on each blade, how you can easily pull one single blade up and then split it straight down the middle, how hundreds of blades can be under your feet and yet the pointed tips feel like a soft cushion, how all these blades are connected to one source.
I realized that weekend.
I cherished time with family and I tried not to argue. I wanted every relationship to be able to ‘end well’…just in case.
Two years have now gone by and though I still get sick and although I spent this past year off at college on my own, truly believing the tumor had grown back and I would need more surgery because of the pain, I’ve been so incredibly blessed. I was weak and His overwhelming Peace and comfort were all I needed. He carried me all the way.
It’s only been two years, and these two years have drastically changed me, just as walking through being sick and having brain surgery drastically changed me and who I am, how I live life.
I don’t want to ever go back to simply walking. Too many of us live life in a daze. We might stop to love someone along the way, maybe we smell the roses on special occasions….but we don’t see the grass. We don’t realize that all around us there are absolutely amazing beauties. We don’t really need to go out looking for an adventure, we just need to open our eyes to the wonder around us.
I don’t ever want to lose that.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. -2 Corinthians 12:9