So there are these ones beyond the screen, behind the screen, and they’re hurting. Faces are pulled into smiles and they know how to tough it out. Tears slip silently down but you won’t know it because keys are tapping and posts are posting and hearts are hurting.
There are those.
We share what’s happy and hide the hard. We’ll settle for okay and fine – for ourselves and for one another. If you’re fine, I’m fine. And if I’m fine, then don’t you feel like you have to be, too? What a mess.
How on God’s green earth can I welcome you in if it’s so perfect you’re uncomfortable, so together you feel like a mess, so “I’ve been there, done that” while you’re still finding your way through? It just doesn’t work like that.
Not even thirty minutes ago I was sitting quietly and writing all these words that He’s used again and again to shape me, mold me, make me, and change me. I needed to remember. I needed to re-member. I didn’t know how else to quiet my soul and my mind. I don’t sleep much these days; too many thoughts. I tuned to a fresh page and made a list of all I need right now.
Rest and answers and love. Time. And then more time. Then… I crossed them off, one by one, and the last one left without a slash through it was ‘more time.’ Because I want it so bad. And I can write about it and make it look nice but the truth is, tears slipped down quietly but not so gracefully as I drew a long, dark line through those words.
And then I wrote Jesus. Only Jesus. Just… Jesus.
I am so imperfect. Lacking and easily annoyed and weak and tired and a million other things. This place is not where someone has it all together. I will never be that girl.
But the truth is, I don’t want to be her.
Because if I had it all together, what would be on that list? Would I make a list? I’m not sure. But right here, like this, I know I just want Jesus.
And so, welcome. Welcome to the women behind the screen who are hurting. Welcome to the ones who need to know they aren’t alone in the questions or the wonderings. Welcome to the ones who simply need a place to breathe. Welcome to you, dear ones, who just need a friend.
You have One.
Here is the table, pull out a chair, I’ll grab a blanket. Get comfortable; there’s no need to hold anything together.
He’s got that covered.
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Every Friday the prompt goes up and #fmfparty slows down. We write. We breathe out our hearts, sharing the hurts and the joys and splitting hearts and words wide open. Come join us.
*I just want you to know, God is good but God is also really cool. It’s been so long since I was able to join Five Minute Friday and as I searched for an old post to see when I was last here, I found my way to this one. And I read it. And I cried. Because that last paragraph? God saw that list, the one I wrote just half an hour ago. I think He laughed… because, hello, He’s got it covered.