I have some things to say.
But first, let me share Lucy’s words. Or, well, a quote that Lucy sent my way:
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday, and all is well.
We aren’t sure who said it but after receiving The Table in her inbox a month ago, she wrote me back and included those words. We were both facing some big decisions and big changes and hoping for big peace and big answers. That one sentence, though. It realigns the view and shifts our focus back to where it belongs.
Fix your eyes.
This week has not been pleasant. I more than alluded to that a few days ago. And you read. And you cared. And several of you reached out via the comment space, text message, or phone call. And it’s got me thinking lots of thoughts.
First, can we just establish that this is a place where we all come real and true and fully ourselves? That this space is a welcome mat, a comfy seat, a good conversation over an iced vanilla latte? Now, I know… you may not be there just yet. We’ve all got battles we’re fighting and roads we’re walking. But my hope and prayer is that in this space, each of you will find that you are welcome as you are. Right where you are.
This means we’ve got to be real. To be honest (while being kind). To sometimes risk raw and be vulnerable because the truth is better than any lie and can we all agree that the Truth always wins? Light overcomes the dark every single time. But we can’t just ignore the dark or push it aside. We’ve got to illuminate it.
So let’s revisit Thursday. Because you deserve more than five minutes and I thankfully have more than five minutes to give this afternoon. (Thank you Lord for Sabbath.) One of the greatest challenges of Five Minute Friday is that we only get five minutes. So much of the challenge comes from receiving one word, setting the timer, and just seeing what comes out in those few minutes. For me personally, the challenge isn’t so much writing on a word (I can say a lot of things about just about anything – clearly). The challenge for me is found in the editing and the posting. Or, to be more exact, the lack of editing before posting.
It wasn’t pretty. It didn’t make sense. It left a lot out and didn’t include much encouragement. And I knew it, all of it, but I posted the words anyway. Because that’s how it works and also – that’s how life is sometimes. Not pretty, not making sense, with a lot of unknowns. That’s where I’ve been.
Today is yesterday’s tomorrow and I’m still there, still right in that place.
But today is yesterday’s tomorrow and all is well.
The contradiction isn’t lost on me. I know I’m not offering any answers or much by way of explanation, but here are some things I’d like to say that didn’t fit into five minutes on Thursday:
1. Life can be confusing, doors can be shutting, relationships can be ending, and the dark can seem greater than the light.
2. God is greater.
God is good and He is greater and brighter and stronger.
Okay.
That’s it.
Except not because I’m me and I use lots of words.
After writing for five minutes I hesitated to hit publish without pretty-fying or just cutting out entire chunks. I don’t know everyone who reads along here, but I knew several people by name and I didn’t want to cause worry. But more than that, I didn’t want to be fake. So it went up, as is. And it’s staying because this is not a perfect place and we are not perfect people.
I am messed up.
We all are.
And we’re gonna be just fine and He is gonna blow our minds but maybe let’s all just travel it together, hold hands and rub backs and send encouragement when the night is long, promising to be for one another.
Let’s be real about the dark and then let’s talk about how He has overcome it.
Out of darkness, light. He shines. And so we fix our eyes not on the dark that is around us (but YES, we talk about it and we share it and we carry it for one another). We fix our eyes on what lies before us. Even when we don’t know what exactly that is, we know that when tomorrow comes He will already be there. And then we fix our eyes on Him.
Let’s take the masks off; they only distract us from the view. And He’s beautiful. Even when today isn’t bright and shiny.
He didn’t promise us bright and shiny but He will provide. Always. I’m leaning into that as the new week begins because we can trust Him. He is good. Safe? Nah. But so very good.
Thank you for being here, people. I like you a lot. If you’d like, grab that white and black print up above and download it for yourself. For free. Because happy new week.
I just read your five min. friday post. Girl, I feel you. I don’t feel you exactly (cause your feelings are unique to you), but we are in similar life stages, so I know those feelings well. I’m graduating in December; all my friends are graduating in 10 days. Some are getting married. Some are moving away. Some are staying put (hopefully). It’s such a weird limbo phase– our school celebrates all grads for the year at once, so though I’m graduating in December we all celebrated at an event last night. It was nice to be able to celebrate w/ the friends I SHOULD be walking with, but it was weird- and a little sad. Things are crazy and busy and goodbyes simply suck, especially when you don’t know when you’ll see each other again. Friendships are coming and going or getting forgotten in the crossfires. I hate it.
It’s such a bittersweet season, isn’t it? So much life change happening at once, and I am not a change girl- I don’t like it. I get so overwhelmed by change. I think what’s hitting me the hardest is moving on from this season that I loved so much.
I guess the point of my rambling is this: I’m with you. Different school, different situations, different people- but your emotions are normal, are universal, and mostly– they are completely VALID. It’s okay not to be okay. (Ellie Holcomb taught me that).
It’s hard. So, so hard. But the light will barge in soon, sister. The darkness doesn’t last for long. And I’m trying so hard to not fester in the dark parts of this season ending, but try to enjoy what I have left of this season with these people and places I love so much. It’s hard fighting the darkness and trying to be joyful simultaneously, but I’m trying my hardest. In my snail mail letter this week, my new friend Kristen encouraged me to try to enjoy this season-even though it’s hard. I’m taking up the challenge.
I hope and pray that the morning comes soon for you, friend. And i hope you can find some joy and revel in it- even when you’re surrounded by the craziness of this season.
Thank you for voicing your innermost feelings, and encouraging so many with your heartfelt words. I’m working on taking my mask off, too, so thank you for doing that with us about this season. xoxo
Oh man… I’m so glad I’m graduating at the same time as my class. I was going to be graduating early and I can’t imagine. I’m with you – I hate goodbyes and feel like I’m in limbo. So many of my friends are a year younger here so I feel like I’m moving on too early. Yet other friends are married or engaged!
I’m glad we can be together in this. And that we both really like Ellie Holcomb. :) Out of darkness, light, right? :)
Kaitlyn…your words are precious and echo the cry of my heart. I could just leave it a resounding “Amen!” but like you, I’m a word girl. :) So I join my heart with yours in this movement to create safe places for our readers to be who they are…who God fearfully and wonderfully made them to be. We are all messed up, and it’s okay because God knows it and He still loves us – so, so much. I’ve encountered too many women (especially in your generation) who feel compelled to pretend their way through their days and mask their problems with ribbons and bows-so they look good, so people think they’ve got it all together. It’s an unbearable weight to carry and so far from God’s expectations. I’m on board…let’s tell our stories full of raw moments, truth and imperfection…full of His glory. Let’s rally around each other in them. All is well, even when it isn’t, because for us who fix our eyes on God, our story always ends with more of Him. Hugs to you!!
I could write something back but you summed it up in this: “All is well, even when it isn’t, because for us who fix our eyes on God, our story always ends with more of Him.” Yes.
Whatever you are facing, whatever you are feeling, I want you to know that you’re normal. Don’t try to push it down or ignore it. Let it stay at the surface, no matter how tender. Let the light of God expose it and bring healing. It’s hard. It’s painful. But I’m learning that the hard and the pain in His presence is so worth it. So much better than the misery of darkness and hiding.
You are beloved, Kaitlyn. Beloved by the Marker of the universe. He is with you now and forever. He will not let this hard time go unredeemed or wasted.
Hugs to you today!