As soon as a big decision was made last week, another presented itself. Because, life. These words, written in the Notes section of my phone over the summer, seemed especially appropriate to share today.
For several months now, too many to count on two hands, I’ve been in a perpetual state of unknown.
I say and think “I don’t know” basically always. (Which is, as you can imagine, super fun and comforting for a Type-A planner.)
The more time passes, the less I know. The more I learn, the less I understand.
Most days Jesus is the only thing I’ve got to hang onto. (The irony of this is not lost on me, nor Him, I am sure.)
Every other month, if I even make it that long, another something presents itself. A job. A move. A relationship. A project. A book idea. A dream.
I want to say yes to all of the things and I want to say no to every single one of them. Actually, I don’t know what I want.
Clarity. I want clarity, I think to myself.
But I stopped praying for clarity several years ago. In my experience, God doesn’t give out clarity. Instead, He gives wisdom. Or grace. Or hope. He gives just enough strength to hang on and walk another step. Or, lately, just enough self-control to stand still and listen.
Courage to get out of the boat and walk on the water when He calls.
Patience to let my roots grow before worrying about producing anything beautiful.
Wisdom to wait, to sit down and not move one inch unless kindness and humility lead the way.
Reminders that fruit is grown in the valleys, not on the mountaintops.
But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. James 1:5
The calendar pages are flipping and there’s a silent countdown inside. Decisions have to be made and one hinges on another that depends on another that comes down to a coin toss and a big fat I Don’t Know. Stay, move. Yes, no. Run, stand. Hold on, let go. Speak, listen.
I want the table of contents, the title of the next chapter (or three), the game plan.
I’d like to have A nailed down so I can plan B and C and stop putting off D and E. There are commitments I literally can not make, a whole list of good things I can’t answer to or plan on, and several choices in front of me that leave me shaking my head and throwing my hands up in the air.
But I’m not praying for clarity anymore, for Him to illuminate the entire path and show me A-Z.
I’m praying for the wisdom to know the next best step, and the courage to take it.
And I’m trusting that if I stay when I should move, if I hold on when I should let go, I’ll hear that little voice saying “rerouting” as He gently takes my hand while saying, “Love, this is the way.”
Because He’s always leading us home. And He’s gonna get each one of us all the way there.
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30:21
Feel free to save/share the above image on Pinterest. More encouragement for you –> a reminder that God leads the way + walks beside you every day, all the time.