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I Don’t Know What Tomorrow Will Bring, But . . .

I Don’t Know What Tomorrow Will Bring, But . . .

by Kaitlyn Bouchillon | Jul 31, 2020 | (in)courage, Devotional, Even If Not, Faith, Faithful, My Health Story

My hands hover over the keyboard. I don’t want to write this post. I don’t really want to write any post at all, actually, even though my mind is constantly writing sentences and storylines throughout the day. Part of me wants to blame it on the pandemic, and while...
Darkness Doesn’t Get the Final Say

Darkness Doesn’t Get the Final Say

by Kaitlyn Bouchillon | Aug 3, 2019 | (in)courage, Devotional, Faith, My Health Story

Nine years ago, at the age of seventeen, I had brain surgery to remove a tumor the size of a golf ball. For months, sickness snuck up on me in the early morning hours and hung on until night fell and sleep took over. No matter who we spoke with or what we tried, there...
heal the wound… but leave the scar

heal the wound… but leave the scar

by Kaitlyn Bouchillon | Dec 7, 2016 | Brave, Broken and Raw, Even If Not, Faith, My Health Story

“I wonder if she’ll notice…” There’s a long scar straight down the back of my head, reaching up from the base of my neck. Last week I sat in a black swivel chair, my face reflecting back to me in the mirror as a kind and friendly stranger...
Life After a Brain Tumor: Glorious Uncertainty

Life After a Brain Tumor: Glorious Uncertainty

by Kaitlyn Bouchillon | Jul 6, 2016 | Broken and Raw, Faith, My Health Story

It’s 10:46pm on July 5, 2016 and I’m crying at a blank page. There is so much to say and somehow it feels like I’ve written every single line before. It also feels brand new. There’s nothing new to say under the sun and we’ve gone around...
When the Answer to Your Prayers Is a Brain Tumor

When the Answer to Your Prayers Is a Brain Tumor

by Kaitlyn Bouchillon | Jun 30, 2016 | Faith, My Health Story

Everything changed six years ago. After months of praying for answers, we got them. Five months of sickness, questions, doubts and frustrations came together mid-morning on the last day of June. The nurse led us from the waiting room to the one room I had seen but...
When You’re Waiting for God to Heal You

When You’re Waiting for God to Heal You

by Kaitlyn Bouchillon | Feb 18, 2016 | Books, Even If Not, My Health Story

This post is an excerpt from Even If Not: Living, Loving, and Learning in the in Between.   I never would have written a brain tumor into my story but I would never wish to write it out. It was a part of me and now it is a part of my story, one I never expected...
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RECENT POSTS:

  • 12 Can’t-Miss Books Coming January-April of 2021
  • Chaos Doesn’t Get the Final Say
  • My Favorite Books of 2020
  • Advent Books and Bible Studies
  • Where Were You, God?

MY BOOK // Even If Not: Living, Loving, and Learning in the in Between

Even If Not: Living, Loving and Learning in the in Between

kaitlyn_bouch

📚Author of #EvenIfNotBook
✏️Writer: kaitlynbouchillon.com
☕️Lover of iced coffee
💻Virtual Assistant
Can I make a custom lock screen for you? ☺️⁣ Can I make a custom lock screen for you? ☺️⁣ ⁣ I’ve had a few requests to bring back the #WordOfTheYear lock screen offering, so… here it is!⁣ ⁣ 👉🏻 Do you have a word for 2021? (I haven’t shared mine yet, but it’s actually a two-word phrase.) Comment and tell me what it is! I’ll design 25-30 lock screens using YOUR words left in the comments and will post them to IG Stories tomorrow.⁣ ⁣ If you see your word already listed below, tap the heart on the comment. ♥️ This will help me see if there are specific words (or two-word phrases 😉) to begin with when designing, hopefully serving as many people as possible.⁣ ⁣ P.s. Just to be super duper clear: there’s no cost whatsoever and you don’t have to be following me. 😂 I mean, I’d love for you to follow along... and I’d love for you to share this post to Stories, inviting your friends to comment with their words… but this is just a gift, just for fun. 🎁⁣ ⁣ P.p.s. If you reallyyyy like lock screens 👉🏻 There are dozens of designs in Highlights here in IG (including this “breathe” image) + many more on my website.
For years, I stored half a dozen candles in a cabi For years, I stored half a dozen candles in a cabinet, always waiting for a “better day.” Each unlit wick told the story: at some point, I began to act as if candles are only meant for parties or celebrations. Regular life was extra ordinary—rarely extraordinary—and so they sat gathering dust.⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Instead of savoring them, I saved them. For far too long, I overlooked ordinary beauty, waiting and wanting something more, something bigger, something better. It took years to realize I was actually saying my actual life wasn't worth a candle, and it was a simple question that offered a new lens:⁣⁣ ⁣ What if I chose to live like the ordinary of *right now* is beautiful? (This became #beautifulordinarynow.)⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Nothing about my circumstances changed, but everything suddenly held a hint of possibility and promise. While I waited for a “better” day, grace waited for me to open my eyes, to slow down, see, and savor the small gifts that were hidden in plain sight.⁣ ⁣⁣ It’s simple and it’s small, and much like using the “good china” for a regular Tuesday evening meal, lighting a candle won’t change the world. But it changes *how I see the world.*⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Maybe in some small way, those are the same thing. Maybe when looking through a lens of grace, the ordinary becomes extraordinary one flickering flame at a time. Maybe this right here is holy. Maybe THIS is the better day, the special occasion.⁣ ⁣ After months of collective heartbreak, change, and loss, it’s a lit candle and a now-empty cabinet that remind me of an old truth every single ordinary day: Light is always breaking through.⁣ ⁣ No matter what 2021 may bring, let's savor the small things and look through a lens of grace. Let’s light candles to celebrate, to lament, to mark this ordinary moment as worthy of beauty. After all, hope often grows in the dark and Light always, always wins.
Your story isn’t over. 🌿♥️ #EvenIfNotBook Your story isn’t over. 🌿♥️ #EvenIfNotBook
Sometimes holding onto hope just flat out hurts. S Sometimes holding onto hope just flat out hurts. Sometimes (scratch that, all times) we have only the foggiest glimpse of what God’s doing all around us. Sometimes we can hardly see Him, hear Him, feel Him.⁣ ⁣ It’s been almost a year of *waves hands around* all this, and really I’d just like a date, a countdown, or a timeline. The question isn’t where are we (somewhere in the middle)… it’s which shore are we closest to (aka how much longer).⁣ ⁣ And God just keeps kindly reminding me of other times I’ve been SO VERY SURE if I just knew the “when” I would patiently, even happily (!) wait as long as it took. Six months and then everything changes? Fantastic. It’ll be four years of praying every single day and then, seemingly overnight, the page will turn? Okay.⁣ ⁣ Sometimes I’d just like to request a guarantee on my hope. I’d like a clear as day answer that it won’t be wasted.⁣ ⁣ I’ve never received a guarantee, but I’ve always received Him. And I think that actually? That’s the guarantee.⁣ ⁣⁣ We aren’t alone or forgotten. We are not adrift in a sea of chaos. The One who walks on water is not surprised or afraid.⁣ He sees the other side… and He will see us through.⁣ Our hope is not in vain.⁣ ⁣⁣ Waves might keep on coming.⁣⁣ Storms may keep on raging.⁣⁣ But the sun will keep on rising.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ We may not know when.⁣⁣ We may not see how.⁣⁣ But we can trust Who.⁣ ⁣ “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” - Lamentations 3:24
In a non-creepy, really-good-news kind of way, I j In a non-creepy, really-good-news kind of way, I just need to tell you: Someone is watching you.⁣ ⁣ Last week, I received a notification that I thought was a mistake. I mean, it HAD to be. Except… it wasn’t.⁣ ⁣ She didn’t tag me in the Instagram caption. She didn’t link to my page on Facebook. But there it was, one single notification saying I was quoted on @PatsyClairmont’s social media accounts. So I clicked over and promptly turned into this emoji for a solid five minutes: 😳😳😳⁣ ⁣ I have no earthly idea how Ms. Patsy (or her assistant 😉) knows about me. I’m still shaking my head and I haven’t put the “how did this happen?” pieces together, but I’m certain at least one person needs to hear this today: someone is watching you. Someone is listening and paying attention, reading your words and taking them in. Someone is inspired by you, encouraged by you, learning from you — and very possibly, not even following you on social media.⁣ ⁣ You may never even know. You may not be tagged and they may not reach out, but I promise — the words you speak, the work you do, the way you love, the art you make — it matters. (This stretches outside of social media and straight into our very real lives, of course.)⁣ ⁣ Please keep showing up. Someone is watching.⁣ ⁣ P.s. Can we have, like, a flash mob of encouragement/kindness by reaching out to someone we’ve been watching? What if we took 30 seconds to text, comment, DM, call, or tag someone to say how they’ve mattered to us? What if we simply shared their words to IG Stories? I’ll post a few in the comments 👇🏻 and in Stories today. You in?
In between prayers of “Lord, have mercy” I’m In between prayers of “Lord, have mercy” I’m repeating Lucretia’s words. I designed the image for an email to subscribers back in October. I re-read it tonight and try as I might, can’t shake that it needs to be here too. So, deep breath, here it is. ⁣ ⁣ “If you've followed along via email or social media for even one week, you know this isn't my norm. But it's something I'm talking about literally every single day with my real-life people. It makes my heart race (hi, I'm an Enneagram 2 and even the possibility of tension in a relationship or hurting/upsetting someone I love is absolutely terrible) but it matters a lot so I'm going to say (a lot of) words.⁣ ⁣ I've re-written this no less than 10 times. I've prayed about it, weighed each word, and shared a draft with a friend. I don't take it lightly that you invite me into your inbox. At a glance, it'll look like I'm talking about politics. But what I'd actually like to talk about is kindness and listening.⁣ ⁣ Whether you're looking for it or not, talk of politics is everywhere right now. And I'm pretty sure you don't open my emails for more words about All The Political Things. (If you do, you'll be VERY disappointed in future weeks.) I know many have already voted (yay!) and my intention is NOT to tell you what to do or change your opinion. Instead, I want to share a few podcast episodes that have made me think, offered encouragement, challenged me in good but hard ways, and reminded me of Truth.⁣ ⁣ 0% of my real-life-people would say I'm "a very political person." But I am absolutely a people person. Politicians make policies that impact people, and so here we are. I'm not vocal about every single thing online, but you can be sure I'm paying attention, listening, and having (a lot) of in-person conversations.⁣ ⁣ In almost every conversation I've had with friends, "bubbles" "neighbors" or "somewhere in the middle" all come up. Here's what I mean:⁣ ⁣ *swipe on the images above to keep reading*
Loss on one side, redemption on the other, a mess Loss on one side, redemption on the other, a mess in the middle. Sounds about right for 2020: the year I went pretty much no where and saw Him everywhere. (Word of the year: #kaitlynsees2020)⁣ ⁣ A Christmas tree during a quarantined Easter and a black dress at a gravesite. A social distanced waiting room that didn’t lead to medical answers and a black swimsuit on a deck to celebrate 10 years brain-tumor-free.⁣ ⁣ These aren’t the most-liked pictures from 2020. (Swipe for the actual “top nine collage.”) Truth is, they aren’t all my favorites either. It’s more fun to pick an accomplishment or happy news than look at a tangled mess. ⁣ ⁣ But they summarize 2020, telling the story of a both/and year. Beautiful and ordinary, heartbreaking and healing.⁣ There’s no tidy bow to wrap up this great unraveling of a year, but there’s a God who isn’t surprised, a God who sees the other side, a God who will see us through.⁣⁣ ⁣ Here’s to 2021. May we hold onto hope instead of holding our breath, choose “even if” instead of “what if,” look for the light when the night is long, and never stop watching for redemption. May we learn to dance upon disappointment and recognize resurrection. May we remember that the day the seed is planted is not the day the flower blooms. May we trust, even when we can’t yet see, that what looks like a mess is something beautiful in the making.
It was a dumpster fire of a year, but the thing ab It was a dumpster fire of a year, but the thing about fire is that it refines. When it’s all said and done, what’s left? What was true all along?⁣ ⁣ On the first day of 2020, I posted this image and these words:⁣ ⁣ “May we trust in the dark what we know to be true in the Light. He is the way-maker and the promise-keeper and so although we may not know what’s coming our way and 2020 may hold more questions than answers, we can trust that He’ll be with us through every change.⁣⁣ From beginning to end, He is faithful and true on every page.⁣⁣”⁣ ⁣ It held true. God held true.⁣ ⁣ Nothing magically changes today, but if hindsight is 20/20, we have good reason to believe we can trust Him with whatever story 2021 will tell. And we have a reason to hope.⁣ ⁣ No matter our today or our tomorrows, no matter the dumpster fires, the unknowns, or the ups and downs we’ll face globally and personally this year… we will not be abandoned.⁣ ⁣ “Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” - Lamentations 3:21-23
Here’s to the goals you didn’t meet in 2020. H Here’s to the goals you didn’t meet in 2020. Here’s to the projects you didn’t finish. Here’s to the accomplishments that weren’t realized and the successes you didn’t see.⁣ ⁣ And here’s to the you that⁣ listened.⁣ cried.⁣ learned.⁣ marched.⁣ apologized.⁣ told the truth.⁣ asked for help.⁣ learned to walk in the dark.⁣ grieved.⁣ laughed.⁣ took naps.⁣ looked for the good.⁣ gave grace.⁣ voted.⁣ showed compassion.⁣ made dinner.⁣ checked on your people.⁣ ⁣ Here’s to the you that is here, the you that kept showing up, the you that didn’t give up.⁣ ⁣ There are unfinished things we’re carrying into 2021, and if you’re ready to set new goals then go for it. There is, after all, a reason to hope. But let’s leave the shame and the shoulds in 2020. ⁣ ⁣ Maybe you didn’t make a lot of things, but you did the brave and often hard work of making it.⁣ ⁣ You made it. You’re here. I’m so proud of you.⁣ ⁣ (I wrote this for a project last week, but maybe you need it too? I know I sure do.)
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