*Updated to add this link so you can hear the song on YouTube. (It’s the only video I could find of it on YouTube.)*
I’ve gone back and forth on a few different songs for this week, but I decided I would go with this one because it’s a lot of what I’m feeling lately.
Questions by Steven Curtis Chapman
Who are You God
For You are turning out to be
So much different than I imagined
And where are you God
Cause I am finding life to be
So much harder than I had planned
Know that I am afraid
To ask these questions
But You know they are there
And if you know my heart
The way that I believe you do
You know that I believe in You
Still I have these questions
Like How could you God
How could You be so good and strong
And make a world that can be so painful
And where were you God
I know you had to be right there
I know you never turn your head
You know that I’m confused
By all this mystery
You know I get afraid
But if you know my heart
As completely as I trust you do
Oh you know that I trust in you
Is it true
That for every tear I cry
You cry a thousand more
Cause you weep for those that weep
And are You, just holding yourself back
From crushing all the pain and evil in this world
For reasons we just cant understand for now
But isn’t there a day of redemption coming
Redemption is coming
Quickly Lord, come quickly
Lord, come quickly
So who am I God
That you would raise me from the dust
To breathe your life and your love in me
You know that I believe
Now, you all know that normally I put up the song lyrics, and then break it down section by section, sharing my thoughts/feelings. This time it will be a little different…simply because I can generalize it this time. Don’t think that means that I’ll use less words, though. I am the Word Master and I can use 100 words to describe something that would be perfectly explained in 20.
It’s a spiritual gift.
Which we talked about at church today.
That would be an awesome segue if I was about to talk about church. But I’m not. So it’s actually a bunny trail.
Alrighty then, back on the path. Let’s talk about questions (THIS is exactly why I need it broken down into sections normally.)! :)
My head has been filled with so many questions lately. Nothing unusual for me, to be honest. There’s almost always something I can ask “Why?” about. But recently it’s been about the Bible.
I don’t like saying that. I like knowing the Bible and knowing answers to other people’s questions about the Bible. I don’t like not understanding it or even wondering if part of it is false.
But lately I’ve been having these questions. I’m reading in John at the moment (working my way through) and a few verses seem to completely contradict other verses in the Bible. And I just find myself saying, “I don’t understand this. It doesn’t add up. God…I don’t get it.”
I decided I might as well talk to Him about it, since He knows my heart anyway. I told Him I have doubts. But I also told Him that they aren’t really doubts…because I still believe in Him. I’m just confused about some stuff. So it’s not really doubting…it’s more wondering why and how.
I want you all to know that while I love God and believe in Him, while I trust and hope in Him, I’m not perfect. I don’t understand it all. I have questions, too. Questions that I really want answers to. I want to understand.
And it’s not just about the Bible. I have questions about life, too. My life is turning out to be the opposite of what I planned. Obviously, I never planned for my closest friends to leave me. I never really planned to face life on my own…without them here with me. But He doesn’t follow my plans; I follow His. But I still have questions. Like this one that the song mentions: “How could you God? How could You be so good and strong and make a world that can be so painful?”
He’s good and strong, perfect and holy. He never makes a mistake. Yet we all face so much pain and evil every day. It seems like a contradiction, but some how it can’t be…right? Because He’s a Loving God. And I know I trust in Him; I know He has my heart. I know He was there when it all fell apart…but I have to wonder why He let it happen. Like the song says, “You know that I’m confused by all this mystery. You know I get afraid. But if you know my heart as completely as I trust you do, oh you know that I trust in You.”
Another line from the song that always stands out to me is this one: “Is it true that for every tear I cry, You cry a thousand more, cause you weep for those that weep.”
I like that line because, frankly, I like the idea of Him crying because I’m crying. Of Him weeping when I weep. I like believing that He’s that connected with me. That He feels my pain just as deeply as I do, although He can see the ending. He can see redemption. I can’t. But He’ll weep with me in the here and now anyways? Yes please, I like that idea.
Possibly just as much as I like (love) the idea of redemption. He brings redemption. He IS Redemption.
Some day He will redeem all the pain and evil. I just have to hang on until that day.
But hopefully in the mean time I’ll find out some answers.
Do you have any questions?