So there are these ones beyond the screen, behind the screen, and they’re hurting. Faces are pulled into smiles and they know how to tough it out. Tears slip silently down but you won’t know it because keys are tapping and posts are posting and hearts are hurting.
There are those.
We share what’s happy and hide the hard. We’ll settle for okay and fine – for ourselves and for one another. If you’re fine, I’m fine. And if I’m fine, then don’t you feel like you have to be, too? What a mess.
How on God’s green earth can I welcome you in if it’s so perfect you’re uncomfortable, so together you feel like a mess, so “I’ve been there, done that” while you’re still finding your way through? It just doesn’t work like that.
Not even thirty minutes ago I was sitting quietly and writing all these words that He’s used again and again to shape me, mold me, make me, and change me. I needed to remember. I needed to re-member. I didn’t know how else to quiet my soul and my mind. I don’t sleep much these days; too many thoughts. I tuned to a fresh page and made a list of all I need right now.
Rest and answers and love. Time. And then more time. Then… I crossed them off, one by one, and the last one left without a slash through it was ‘more time.’ Because I want it so bad. And I can write about it and make it look nice but the truth is, tears slipped down quietly but not so gracefully as I drew a long, dark line through those words.
And then I wrote Jesus. Only Jesus. Just… Jesus.
I am so imperfect. Lacking and easily annoyed and weak and tired and a million other things. This place is not where someone has it all together. I will never be that girl.
But the truth is, I don’t want to be her.
Because if I had it all together, what would be on that list? Would I make a list? I’m not sure. But right here, like this, I know I just want Jesus.
And so, welcome. Welcome to the women behind the screen who are hurting. Welcome to the ones who need to know they aren’t alone in the questions or the wonderings. Welcome to the ones who simply need a place to breathe. Welcome to you, dear ones, who just need a friend.
You have One.
Here is the table, pull out a chair, I’ll grab a blanket. Get comfortable; there’s no need to hold anything together.
He’s got that covered.
+ + + +
Every Friday the prompt goes up and #fmfparty slows down. We write. We breathe out our hearts, sharing the hurts and the joys and splitting hearts and words wide open. Come join us.
*I just want you to know, God is good but God is also really cool. It’s been so long since I was able to join Five Minute Friday and as I searched for an old post to see when I was last here, I found my way to this one. And I read it. And I cried. Because that last paragraph? God saw that list, the one I wrote just half an hour ago. I think He laughed… because, hello, He’s got it covered.
Love this, Kaitlyn! I can relate to your list. I am 48 yrs old with three children, and I’ve been grasping for what I need for years. Even though we feel like we’ll get to a certain point where we’ll have/get what we need, you “get it” now–all we really need is Jesus! It is hard to remember that, but I am determined to preach the truth to myself this year, over and over, until I get it in my head that I don’t have to “be enough” or “have enough” of anything, because Jesus is my everything!
Right! We don’t have to be enough or have enough because He is enough. And in Him, we are enough.
I always feel welcome with you. You are gonna be okay. Keep on keepin’ on sister!
Well I’m so glad to hear that! I hope this is always a welcoming place.
Hey I just need to tell you that the graphic on your site from last week, the ‘today I choose joy’ one? So very pretty. Glad to have you here!
Thanks for putting it so simply, Kaitlyn. I’ve found myself turning to God more often, and more honestly so far this year. Yes, I need all these things… but most of all – Jesus. #fmfparty.
Okay.. that you said I put it simply? I take that as such a compliment! I often use way more words than necessary and these 5 minute posts are a challenge. I so appreciate that you said that!!
Oh girlie… yes – to every one of those things crossed out – Jesus is the giver of them all anyway… when we get more of Him… we get everything we need! I wrote earlier this week about He is the One who holds all of our hours… what we need is not more time, but more Hope… He is enough, and we are Enough in Him! Love you bunches and so glad to have you ‘back’ last night! xoxo
I am so behind on all my blog reading but I’ll have to make a point to definitely get to that post soon. Sounds like just what I should read right about now. He holds our hours.. what a beautiful way of putting it. <3
Sounds like a sad chapter in your story, but, as we well know, our awesome God will come along and drench you with new HOPE and a new song…the things you do, you do so well. Thank you for snailmail parties and the detailed admin it takes to run it. xo
Ya know, it’s actually a happy chapter but a rough day. Sounds a little silly maybe, but maybe that happens for you, too? P.s. thanks for that encouragement; looking forward to Round 5!
After reading this I know more than ever that I need to meet and hug you soon. Your heart and your words just welcomes us all in and I am so thankful for you.
We live too close for it to never happen! And I’ve been meaning to ask you… will you be at Declare?!
Popped over from FMF. Love your post: so well written. Thank you.
Thank you! Hoping to get to know you a little bit through snail mail too!
I love this. Welcoming others is not what we offer. It’s what He offers through us. It’s not about having the right answers, house, food, etc… It’s about inviting the only One who has everything to offer. This post is so beautifully written and so thought provoking. Thank you.
Yes yes – what He offers! That’s real hospitality, right? Less of us and a house or food but more of Him.
I come at this a little bit differently…I’m aiming to live such that Jesus can come in and rest a spell, have a Diet Coke, watch a DVD.
I figure he’s got the whole world in His hands, and that can get right heavy. So maybe he wants a safe place to set it down and just breathe.
Maybe play some pickup rugby.
I mean, why not?
Hmm that’s an interesting way to look at it. I hadn’t thought of it that way. Thanks for stopping by and sharing!
I have been crying a lot tonight over how much I need Jesus and how everything else is so insignificant. This new year seems to have baptized the soul back to a blank slate with the focus on Christ and iam so grateful. I pray that you can be happily vulnerable to our saviour, our shepherd, because in that vulnerability there is unconditional love and truth. Hugs to you tonight friend and some tea and a cookie or two!
Oh yeah, I had a few cookies. :) Ha! I really like how you put that… happily vulnerable. Puts a new twist on it, huh?
May God draw close to you and comfort you and fill you so that you can continue to minister to others.
He continues to show that if we fill up with Him there is always more to pour out..but we (I) must go to the Source.
Beautiful, Kaitlyn. Being transparent, even when it’s ugly? Not easy, but definitely better. I loved what you shared here. Thank you. Stopping over from FMF
I’m glad you stopped by, Jeanne. I’m going to have to click around the link up and visit a few new places this week! :)
Oh Kaitlyn, you are doing such a great work in this place, whether you feel that you have it all together or not. Keep using your gifts to His glory. Write on, sister. Write on.
Write on. Yep. All of us. We are doing a good work and we can not come down.
Yep, he’s pretty awesome. :)
Sure is. I couldn’t help but laugh at His timing of ‘randomly’ finding that old post.
Thank you, Kaitlyn; I read both this post on Welcome and the one you referred to on Because…These words I need to hear…today, tomorrow, always until I can get it into my head that HE IS THERE! HE IS FAITHFUL…as much as my head knows (and maybe my fingers as they fly across the keyboard), I just can’t seem to always know in my heart – but I DO know that He is there. He welcomes me – He welcomes ALL and that’s all we (I) need to remember. Such beautiful posts!
I have to remind myself too sometimes, Barbara. He is here and He is for us. With us and for us.
Loved this post!!
Fun “meeting” you, Tara!
So good Kaitlyn. I echo your sentiments wholeheartedly. I love your heart & your words. May they continue to bless many just as the Lord leads. You are a welcoming soul.
Well thank you, Jolene. What a kind thing to say.. I hope you always feel welcome here.
Such beautiful thoughts and you have such a way with words, to make any woman feel welcome. God has blessed this place of yours, Kaitlyn, this corner of the internet you call your home, and I’m so blessed to be a part of it every #fmfparty. Thank you for the warm welcome. …And yes, He will be faithful at all times, in all ways, in all places. Because He is always faithful to Himself. Such a wonderful truth!
:) thank you for those words. Sending an email back to you real soon!