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A book for the broken hopefuls… Even If Not: Living, Loving, and Learning in the in Between

Even If Not: Living, Loving and Learning in the in Between

kaitlyn_bouch

📚Author of #EvenIfNotBook
✏️Writer: kaitlynbouchillon.com
☕️Lover of iced coffee
💻Virtual Assistant

I’m not ready to say much about this waiting roo

I’m not ready to say much about this waiting room picture. There’s a lot I don’t know. But I do know this: A whole lot of life feels like one long waiting room, and I just don’t think that’s a mistake. The Church calendar celebrates Advent and Lent and Easter… and also this thing called Ordinary Time that stretches for months on end.⁣
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We don’t talk about that “season” very often, but it’s the one we live in most of the time (we're in it right now). And yeah, it’s one long in-between that comes around and sticks around every year.⁣
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I sat in a waiting room this week, and then I went to Bible Study to discuss Hebrews 11. The whole chapter points toward Home and it’s an actual gut-punch to read a dozen well-known names in Scripture, all these humans who were so very human but also did “big” things aka kept the faith, and then see it declare not one of them received the full promise.⁣
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They could see it in the distance and every single promise was kept. But while they were here, they held onto hope even when it hurt, they chose obedience in their ordinary days, and they waited with faith because they “considered Him faithful who had made the promise.”⁣
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It sounds nice written out, but we all know it’s harder to live out. And yet because they did, because this is our spiritual lineage and our faith genealogy, we’re here today. We may not get to see the promise, but my word I hope it can be said of our generation that we waited well.⁣
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Today's trouble is enough for today... But so is God. Maybe it’s a cliché, but it’s also true. Tomorrow is both a mystery and a gift. Whatever it may bring, God will be there and He will be enough. Our waiting will not be wasted, but He’s with us in this room too. Drawing closer even now, coming to walk us all Home.⁣
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He who has promised is faithful.⁣
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#beautifulordinarynow #kaitlynsees2020 #evenifnotbook #hebrews11

Right before graduating college, I held on tightly

Right before graduating college, I held on tightly to these words: “The seasons change and you change, but the Lord abides evermore the same, and the streams His love are as deep, as broad and as full as ever.” — Charles Spurgeon⁣⁣
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I wrote that out just now from memory, not because I ever meant to memorize it but because I’ve continued to come back to it through the changing of the literal seasons and the ones in my life, too.⁣⁣
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Give us a few more weeks and we’ll break out sweaters and boots here in Alabama, ignoring that Summer Round Two will remain in full-swing until November when the temperature falls and the leaves blaze glory before they fall, too.⁣⁣
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Creation, falling like clockwork.⁣⁣
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Today, it’s just a hint. Just two leaves that were practically shouting along the trail in between the green and green and more green.⁣⁣
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Maybe it isn’t much. But it’s enough. All of *waves hands around * this will change like the seasons. We may have a new and blurry normal, but this is not our forever. There’s One who knows the end date, One quite familiar with the Light at the end of the tunnel.⁣⁣
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And even if not? Even if the leaves fall and we fall apart and winter settles in? It may last long and it may get dark, but there will be life on the other side, roots growing deep in the silence. Creation will lead the way. And so today, I hold two leaves between two fingers and try to fix my eyes on something I can’t yet see in it’s fullness. I snap a picture in faith that it’ll one day be proof I was actually holding tightly to a promise.⁣⁣
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#kaitlynsees2020 #evenifnotbook #beautifulordinarynow

It’s the sound of tires crunching gravel as the

It’s the sound of tires crunching gravel as the car pulls away from the cemetery, the ground freshly watered with tears.⁣⁣
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It sounds like a creaking staircase from choosing to stay when going would be easier, the zip of a suitcase when the opposite is true.⁣⁣
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It’s the sound of glasses clinking not for a toast but while washing the dishes, an ordinary moment made extraordinary when seen through a lens of gratitude. (Even though doing the dishes is arguably the very worst.)⁣⁣
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It sounds like asking for help, like trying again, like “I’m sorry” and “hi it’s nice to meet you.”⁣⁣
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I used to think courage was mostly big and loud, but I’m finding it often shows up sounding like a small, gentle whisper.⁣⁣
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@emilypfreeman recently asked “What does courage sound like?” Nearly every answer that comes to mind leans toward the quiet and seemingly unseen, the moments and decisions that aren’t posted on this big and also loud thing we call the internet. Courage can shout and roar, and sometimes it does, but courage can also be the sound of silence. Maybe, more often than not, the small and quiet things are actually the big things that speak volumes.⁣
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How would you answer? What does courage sound like to you? (Thank you for asking this beautiful question, Emily.)⁣
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#BeautifulOrdinaryNow #TheNextRightThing

"Maybe, just maybe, the story we’re so afraid of

"Maybe, just maybe, the story we’re so afraid of sharing is the very story God is going to use to show us once and for all that He has always been there, has always loved us deep and true, has always had a purpose for the pain and we have no reason to reach for the pen in His hands.⁣⁣⁣⁣
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Wherever you find yourself reading these words, this is what you’ve got to know: It isn’t always pretty and it’s bound to get messy again down the road but in the middle of your mess He is writing your message." - #EvenIfNotBook, chapter nine⁣⁣⁣⁣
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I wrote those words in October of 2015, but they came to mind last night and I just wonder if maybe someone needs to hear them today. And if that someone is you? I hope you'll hear me when I say I've lived storylines I never would have chosen, and yet I believe this to be true with everything I am: The Author will prove Himself faithful and good. Even here in the year of our Lord 2020. You aren't alone. Your story isn't over. He hasn’t failed before and He’s not about to start now. We can trust the unknown of the future to the God we believe is authoring its pages.⁣⁣⁣⁣
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✍🏻 lettering: @callierianandco

It’s been six months since I walked across this

It’s been six months since I walked across this parking lot and honestly, my brain can’t wrap itself around those words. I’m not even sure if I want it to.⁣
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But tonight, even just for one night, with masks on and some still in their cars and more distance than anyone actually wants, it was just so good to come home.

It wasn’t until finishing the pattern that it be

It wasn’t until finishing the pattern that it became clear God was teaching me a lesson with every stitch. Because the strangest thought crossed my mind when thinking about posting a picture of my very first attempt at embroidery: I think I want to display the other side.⁣
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From the back, it’s nothing short of a mess. It doesn’t line up or add up. There are threads in knots and threads unraveling. But when I flip back and forth, looking at one side and then the other, it’s the underbelly and the backside, the tangled mess that brings tears to my eyes.⁣
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I know this. I’ve lived it. In some ways, we’re all experiencing it together this year. There’s a great unraveling, a slow-going, confusing, messy, and sometimes painful unmaking.⁣
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But something, even here and even now, is being made in us. The other side of the hoop, and the whole of Scripture, tells me this is true.⁣
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Soon, something will exist in what was once empty space. Little by little, stitch by stitch, something from nothing. We might bleed a little or break a needle. There will be twisted threads and tangled knots. It’ll be messy. But it’ll be beautiful, too, because there’s always more to the story.⁣
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He’s a kind Artist, a loving Father, a gentle Mother, the greatest of Storytellers. One day the other side of the hoop will be revealed and we’ll all stand with wide-eyed wonder at the wild creativity and intricate detail of the One who wove us together (Psalm 139:13).⁣
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But for today, we simply believe. We wait with hope, we watch for redemption, and trust that what looks like a mess is something beautiful in the making.

When 2018 began, I told myself “this is the year

When 2018 began, I told myself “this is the year I try embroidery.” But then I didn’t. Instead, I followed more embroidery accounts and bookmarked patterns… without ever trying it myself. 2019 came and I said the same line again. And then, nothing.⁣
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I just… didn’t make time for myself. (How is that so easy to do but so hard to write out?)⁣
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I invested my time elsewhere. In family and friends, in work, in my community. In good things. But there wasn’t much left over and so it just always moved to the back burner.⁣
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A few months ago, I quit “one day-ing” myself. The end result isn’t perfect (far from it), I broke a needle, and I poked myself a dozen times. The backside is an actual mess (I’ll post it next week so stay tuned for that beautiful picture) and let’s be honest, no one would pay actual money for this. And I don’t care one bit because perfect was never the point. Good wasn’t even a goal. It was about time and worth, back burners and left overs.⁣
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It’s just thread and fabric and a wooden hoop, but it’s also so much more. Because every time I added another few lines or leaves, I was doing a lot more than learning to embroider.⁣
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I was learning to believe that it’s worth it. And “it” is really a heck of a lot more than an embroidery hoop.⁣
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I don’t know who this is for today... maybe it’s you or a name will come to mind to share this with, but I just really feel like someone needs to hear it:⁣
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Your dreams, outrageously big or incredibly small, matter. YOU matter. Behind-the-scenes is one thing (a good, beautiful and life-giving thing for many), but your permanent address is not found on the back burner holding left overs. Maybe today is your “one day.” Start really small if you need to, just one stitch or step at a time. PS: It’s okay to be a beginner. You can grow as you go. 🌱

My in-the-flesh people will likely roll their eyes

My in-the-flesh people will likely roll their eyes reading this because trust me, THEY KNOW. But - one of the ways I feel like God speaks to me is through repetition. So when something keeps showing up, I try to pay attention.⁣
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I don’t know if there's more to it than an invitation to listen and sit with this passage, but I do know Matthew 5 has shown up 6 different places in 3 days.⁣
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Given all that's happening right now, the words strike me in a new way. I'll share a portion below and invite you to read slowly + to watch for patterns in your own life. If something keeps coming up in conversations, songs, podcast episodes, books, etc... lean in.⁣
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From Matthew 5:⁣
You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.⁣
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You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.⁣
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You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.⁣
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You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat.⁣
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You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being ‘care-full,’ you find yourselves cared for.⁣
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You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.⁣
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You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family.⁣
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You’re blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God’s kingdom.

There’s an ache that shows up like clockwork eve

There’s an ache that shows up like clockwork every Sunday. My word, I miss my church. If I stare at that sentence for too long I’ll start crying. I haven’t dared to count how many weeks it’s been but I know the answer: too many.⁣
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I’m sitting here this morning waiting for the service to stream online and for whatever reason (thanks Holy Spirit), out of no where remembered a line from “Church of the Small Things.”⁣
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I looked up the full quote and will put it below because GOOD GRIEF it’s a timely word. I miss so much. I’m sure you do too. This is really, really hard for what feels like a really, really long time. But… somehow, even here, may we not miss the small things and God’s goodness in the ordinary.⁣
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“You know what we do when we sit around thinking about our Fantasy Someday? We miss the holiness of this moment we're living right now. There will never be another one like it. And even if that makes you think "THANK GOD, BECAUSE MY LIFE CURRENTLY STINKS," there are still lessons to be learned, character to be built, and stories that will be told about where you are right now.⁣
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God takes all of it - the mundane and the ugly, the clean couch and the wine spills, the ordinary and the occasional extraordinary - and when we allow him to add his grace, his mercy, and his outrageous love, he adds a brushstroke there and some color here and so paints it all into one glorious work of art that only he can achieve through us where we are right in that moment - in our homes, in our neighborhoods, in our classrooms, in our communities and world.” - @melanieshankle⁣
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#churchofthesmallthings #kaitlynsees2020 #beautifulordinarynow

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