It’s New Years Eve and I’m home again. Just like last year. Except so much is different.

I remember exactly where I was last year when the clock ticked over to 12:01 AM. I was sitting indian-style on my bed, with my back against the wall. I’m pretty sure I had a text all ready to go…so I could send it to the girl as soon as it became 2009.

This year, I’m home. I was sitting on my bed a few minutes ago and I just cried. I knew it would hurt but I just had this pull inside of me to open my cell phone and look at the message she sent me last year.

Yes, I’m one of those people who save text messages to their phone for unheard of lengths of time. Yes, I prefer not to think of myself as a loser. Thank you.

Sure enough, I read the message and started crying. It said:

Happy New Year!!!!! I can’t wait to see what this year has in store! Love you!! :]

Ah, God. He knows how that hurts. “I can’t wait to see what this year has in store!” Well, let me tell you what the year had in store. The year ended for us in May, when it all blew up. That’s what the year had in store. It’s been such a year that I won’t receive a text from her once it’s 12:01. I’ll send one, yes, but I won’t get one back. Because that’s the year God had in store. I know I’ve now said that three times, but the irony and the sadness is just ridiculous. We were happy. We loved each other more than words could ever express. And you know what? She. Loved. Me.

Until May.

Or something like that. I truly still don’t understand it.

And so you know what? I’ve never been so happy for a new year. I have NEVER looked forward or anticipated a year ending more than I long for this one to end. And in less than two hours, the worst year of my life (by far) will be OVER.

A time to start fresh. No more of the “this is the worst year ever” because the year will be done. over. gone. the end.

Ah, thank you God. I’m so ready for 2010 to come. So ready for this year to be the past. For it to be in the rear view mirror, not what I see when I’m looking out the front of the car.

This post may seem like a Debbie Downer post. I don’t mean for it to be. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has had a horrible year. In fact, many many many people have had horrendously sad and devastating years. So many people are just as ready for 2010 as I am. And for those people, I will say YAY FOR 2010 again. Because it’s new, fresh, and exciting. A blank slate.

And even though I’m obviously excited for this new year, there’s something that must be said. Actually, two things.

1) This year is not guaranteed to be better than 2009. Only God knows what is in store. But I must choose to make the most of this next year. I must choose, every day, to love with every part of me, even though it -literally- scares me to death. I must choose to love those who hurt and pray for them when they continue to hurt me. I must wake up thankful for a new day. I must show kindness and mercy and I must forgive because, after all, Christ forgave me. I must follow after God.

The “greatness factor” of 2010 is not on my shoulders. Because what is God’s Will for 2010 WILL happen. But I can choose to make each day the best it can be. I can do my best. That is up to me.

2) God is not held back or confined to a “new year.” I don’t believe God is up in Heaven making resolutions for what he can do better in 2010, or what He can improve on. He is God. He is perfect and All Knowing. He knows what will happen to each person in 2010. Nothing will come as a surprise.

The calendar doesn’t hold Him back. I don’t think He will be up there celebrating that it’s finally 2010. BUT I do believe that He will celebrate WITH me over this, because He knows it’s important to me.

That may seem confusing, but hopefully you’ll understand.

I was sent this in an email today:

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22-23, NIV)

Oh how I LOVE those verses! It’s so much of my testimony from 2009. So much.

Only because of HIS love have I not been consumed by what I’ve faced. His compassion for me has not failed. Not even once. Every morning He is still there when I wake up. If there is one word to sum up 2009 for me, it would be faithfulness.

No, my friends were not faithful. I believed they would be, and then they all left. But through that I learned that the only One who IS faithful is God. He is the epitome of the word faithful, and I absolutely loveeeeee it. It’s one of the most comforting things I’ve ever known. Just to know that HE is Faithful and will never leave. That His promises are true and will not fall apart.

Great is His Faithfulness!

But do you see what the verse says? “They are new every morning.”

Every day is a new day. Every day is a fresh start and a new beginning with Him. We don’t have to wait for a new year to make resolutions, change how we act/what we do, or become a “better person.” Possibly most importantly, we don’t have to wait for a new year to fall more in love with God.

He is not bound my a calendar.

Every day is a new day.