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A book for the broken hopefuls… Even If Not: Living, Loving, and Learning in the in Between

Even If Not: Living, Loving and Learning in the in Between

kaitlyn_bouch

📚Author of #EvenIfNotBook
✏️Writer: kaitlynbouchillon.com
☕️Lover of iced coffee
💻Virtual Assistant

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I can’t un-see it now.⁣
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A little ways to the left and up a steep, winding staircase with an arch that forces you to bend low, there’s an ornately decorated room. The only thing that isn’t covered by decorations is instead covered by glass. It’s a massive limestone rock — and it’s cracked.⁣
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2,000 years ago, this place was outside the city walls. There were no decorations, no walls or glass or wisps of incense in the air.⁣
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This was Golgotha.⁣
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I knelt to touch the rock, slipping my hand through the small opening, my mind swirling with one thousand thoughts that all came back to this:⁣
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“Thank You.”⁣
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And then I walked down the stairs and just a block away, this sight greeted me. Honestly, I was shocked.⁣
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There, so very close, was the tomb. (Sorry to burst the bubble for you… The Garden Tomb isn’t actually The Place. It looks pretty, but scholars agree it’s just that: pretty, and a good visual of what it looked like before the mountain was moved.)⁣
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The hill and the grass? They’re gone now. With the way cleared, it took me less than a minute to walk from Golgotha to the structure surrounding the tomb that they left in its original place.⁣
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While looking through pictures today, I paused at this one, light streaming in and pushing back the dark, because for the first time I saw it…⁣
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‎מתוך החושך , אור (out of darkness, light)⁣
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I walked from Golgotha to the tomb with a tattoo on my foot.⁣
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Two months earlier, on Maundy Thursday, that day right before Good Friday, I climbed a different set of stairs. Instead of bending low, I sat still as a Hebrew phrase made its permanent home on my body.⁣
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Hebrew reads from right to left, so the word closest to my toes is “light.” With every single step I take, light is literally leading the way.⁣
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I can’t un-see it now, this visual of a tattoo that’s true for each and every one of us. He cleared a way. He is the Way. At Christmas and Easter and on an ordinary Thursday night.⁣
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Light, pushing back the dark.⁣
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Thank You.

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For the desperate one holding onto hope in the dark, even when it flickers like a candle against the night.⁣
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For the waiting one who has yet to see the promise-fulfilled but believes it’s already on the way.⁣
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For the weary one who has faithfully planted and watered and tended through each season, faithfully watching for spring in the middle of winter.⁣
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For the broken and joyful and weak and worn and tired and faithful and doubting and discouraged and hurting and hopeful and confused and unsure and outraged and outcast and exhausted and rejected and grateful and grieving and overwhelmed and lonely.⁣
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This is for you.⁣
The baby in the manger is for you.⁣
Emmanuel, come to you. Come for you.

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Things I’m unsubscribing from:⁣
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▪️Shame⁣
▪️Should-ing myself⁣
▪️Believing that asking for help equals weakness⁣
▪️This lie: You are too much⁣
▪️And this one, too: You are not enough⁣
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I made this list last December but I'm saying it all over again today with a new addition: goodbye, hurry. I'm unsubscribing from you too.⁣
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👉🏻 Your turn. What is one thing you’ll unsubscribe from today?

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(gift for you) There’s something about “400 years of silence” that I can’t shake. Because the thing is, He could have come on any day at any time.⁣
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He’s the hope of spring, the joy of summer, and the beauty of fall . . . and yet He chose the winter.⁣
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And if I’m being honest, I’m not the biggest fan of winter. Actual winter? Love. “Seasons” of winter in my life? Not so much.⁣
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But there He is, showing up when all seems dead and too far gone, when silence echos as unknowns and worries pile up, burying us deep.⁣
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In a season rarely welcomed with gratitude as the cold sets in with a heavy blanket of grey, He comes. And He stays.⁣
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He is a God of seasons, the One who keeps time and is outside of time all at the same time. He will not be rushed, but neither will He be late. He can’t be confined to a calendar page.⁣
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It was Charles Spurgeon who said, “The seasons change and you change, but the Lord abides evermore the same, and the streams of His love are as deep, as broad and as full as ever.”⁣
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There it is, the promise in every season: He is unchanging.⁣ Hope. Joy. Beauty. Right there, even in the winter.⁣
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Maybe Hope often grows in the dark. Maybe the quiet actually has so very much to say.⁣
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✨I turned the quote from Charles Spurgeon into a printable — it’s available at KaitlynBouchillon.com. (The link is in my bio.)⁣
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✨ And —> I created two lock screens for you, based on the kind response to my last post about Advent and silence. They’re both in IG Stories, and I’d love if you shared this post or either lock screen to your Story. Just tag me so your IG friends can click over and download a lock screen, too!

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What if the last time God spoke, it was 1619? It takes half a second to flip from Malachi to Matthew, but 400 years pass in-between.⁣
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What does 400 years sound like? Quiet. Confusion. Doubt. Has He forgotten us? Maybe we misunderstood. Maybe... we were wrong?⁣
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It’s the first day of Advent, and I can’t stop thinking about the generations that continued to tell the story, the ones who kept on repeating the words while listening for the next line.⁣
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Sunrise, sunset, repeat.⁣
Day after day, generation after generation.⁣
Waiting. Remembering. Believing.⁣
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And then the page turned.⁣
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He didn’t just break the silence with a word… The Word became flesh and moved right into the neighborhood.⁣ The promise-maker in Malachi is the promise-keeper in Matthew.⁣
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Funny how they waited for a word to break the silence, and now we mark 400 years of silence with 4 weeks of hushing. Waiting. Remembering. Believing.⁣
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We get to tell the story in this in-between, on this page, in the already-not-yet.⁣
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May we be a people who wait well, who cling to hope when the night is long, who remember and believe even in the silence that darkness doesn’t get the final word.⁣⁣
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Everything sad will come untrue for Light has come, Love has won, and all is being made new.⁣
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Amen.

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I couldn’t see it in the moment but when I looked back through my camera roll, it was there all along. #thecrosshasthefinalword #beautifulordinarynow

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For those sitting at an empty table today: You are brave. You are seen. You are not alone. You are loved.⁣
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For those walking into a room full of strangers: You are brave. You are seen. You are not alone. You are loved.⁣
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For those walking into a tense room, choosing to hold both truth and grace: You are brave. You are seen. You are not alone. You are loved.⁣
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For those with an unexpectedly empty seat at the table, showing up with both a smile and a breaking heart: You are brave. You are seen. You are not alone. You are loved.⁣
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No matter what today looks like, no matter who is or isn't next to you, and no matter what is said, left unsaid, done or not done, this is true of you.⁣
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And it'll be true tomorrow, too.⁣
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👉🏻 If this resonates with you, share it in your Stories (tap the airplane icon). Happy Thanksgiving, friends. I truly am grateful for you.⁣
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Lettering: @raevkalligrafi

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What do you do when you hope and hope and keep on hoping — but nothing seems to be happening? What does Hope itself say when you admit you’re worn out from holding on for so long, that you’re losing your grip?⁣
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In my experience, Hope doesn’t shout “Try harder. Do more. Be better. Toughen up.”⁣
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Instead, Hope leans in close and says “You’re okay. All will be well. Even if you let go, I’ll keep holding on. I’ve got this and I’ve got you. I won’t let go.”⁣
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So while I want to tell you “Hold on. Don’t give up just yet!” and there’s a whole lot of good in that message, I feel like today someone simply needs to hear this:⁣
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Hope is holding onto you.⁣
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There’s more to your story, another chapter you’ve yet to see, and good things are coming. There is grace for this moment and the next one too. He will stay by your side. He will carry you through.⁣
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(Please DM me with a 🙋🏻‍♀️ or raise your hand in the comments below if that “someone” is you. I’d love to pray for you by name.)⁣
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(If you leave a comment and see another hand raised, would you pause and pray for the name directly above your own? 💛)

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