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A book for the broken hopefuls… Even If Not: Living, Loving, and Learning in the in Between

Even If Not: Living, Loving and Learning in the in Between

kaitlyn_bouch

📚Author of #EvenIfNotBook
✏️Writer: kaitlynbouchillon.com
☕️Lover of iced coffee
💻Virtual Assistant

How does it go again? The best way to spread quara

How does it go again? The best way to spread quarantine cheer is by putting up a tree for all to see… (through the window, of course, because #shelterinplace)⁣
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It’s Day 20 (for me) and since the light at the end of the tunnel has yet to appear and only God knows how much longer, the tree has returned and the silent nights are a little bit brighter.⁣
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Never imagined a world in which Holy Week included a Christmas tree, but here we are. (Yes, yes. There’s a sermon in there. But I’ll look for it another day because BLESS IT, 2020.)⁣
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Merry Christmas!!! 🎄✨

I didn’t plan it this way, but looking back, it’s more than fitting. There were two options, two nights with appointments available that week. And since getting a tattoo on April Fool’s Day felt, well, weird… I chose the following evening. April 2nd.⁣⁣
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Maundy Thursday.⁣⁣
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Less than 24 hours later, I walked into my very first Good Friday service, approaching the cross in a darkened room with a bandage covering my foot.⁣⁣
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The story of that night and the “why” behind my tattoo is in #EvenIfNotBook. Of all the stories printed in ink upon those pages, this one, about the ink forever marking my steps, is one of my favorites.⁣⁣
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According to Google translate, the phrase is "out of darkness, light.” And that’s true. But if you look for it in Scripture, the exact translation in its original context says “From the midst of darkness, light.” Something about that makes me teary every time.⁣⁣
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Right there in the midst. In the middle of it all, when you can’t see the way but you dare to hold onto Hope and believe anyway, there it is — Light is coming.⁣⁣
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Most days, I don’t think of the tattoo. It’s simply part of me. Lately, though, I need to see it and remember all over again. Night exists and darkness may cover like a thick and scratchy blanket you can’t quite shake off, but at some point the day dawns. Every single time, Light wins.⁣⁣
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It was Maundy Thursday. And it was about to get so much darker. Darkness would soon close in and silence would temporarily reign, but even then God was at work. Light was on the way.⁣⁣
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Jesus, thank You. How small those words are. How great a sacrifice. Help us walk well through the dark. Lord, give us hearts that hold on until we have eyes to see. May we be slow to forget and quick to remember that it is finished. You have already won.⁣ Amen.⁣
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(Photo taken in 2016. We walked the land and ended here, on the steps outside the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. He came, breathed, walked, healed, slept, ate, created, taught, loved, wept. And temporarily, it ended here. He died here. But then He rose.)

We may not understand from where we sit, and there

We may not understand from where we sit, and there may be "nothing to show for it" yet, but God is always at work behind-the-scenes and beneath the surface. When it looks like the end and all hope seems lost, when there's silence and confusion and doubt, know this:⁣
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He is not done writing, and the story isn't over.⁣
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Life from death. Beauty from ashes. Light from dark.⁣
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I wrote these words ^ last spring and I’m clinging to them all over again today.⁣
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Lord, have mercy. God, give us eyes to see.⁣
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Eyes straining for even a hint of spring’s arrival, I laced up my shoes and walked laps around my apartment complex. He gave me a glimpse . . . times four.⁣
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Nature has not forgotten. The promise-maker is a promise-keeper. Spring is coming. The story isn’t over. Praise God, the story isn’t over.⁣
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“A wonder-filled life is grateful attentiveness to the awe in our ordinary.” - @AliaJoy, Glorious Weakness⁣
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#beautifulordinarynow #miracleseverywhere #itssimplytuesday

How’s this for irony? In September, my church be

How’s this for irony? In September, my church began studying and slowly walking through Philippians verse by verse. Today, we arrived here.⁣⁣
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Over the past few weeks, I’ve struggled to fall asleep — and then stay asleep through the night. Last night, I sang these words into the darkness as morning inched closer:⁣⁣
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“I’ll turn my cares into prayers, turn my worry into trusting. When I am afraid I will call Your name. When I am alone, You will comfort me and heal me. When I’m in distress, I come to your throne.⁣”⁣
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I heard the lyrics, written by @nataliegrant’s daughter Gracie when she was 9 years old, for the very first time just hours before tossing and turning. A few hours more and I woke to sunlight and Church online as we opened the Word to these words.⁣⁣
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“Anxiety” in this passage is worrying without purpose. It’s continually spinning in a circle, leading to loneliness, despair and exhaustion.⁣⁣
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The focus here isn’t really anxiety or worry — it’s what to do when those feelings arrive. Because they’re going to come. The question is, will we carry them alone or bring them to the throne?⁣⁣
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I don’t know about you, but I need that front and center going into this next week.⁣⁣
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He is kind and He is good. He isn’t worried or anxious. The Kingdom isn’t shaken. He isn’t surprised. He is at peace. He is peace. And He is here. He will not leave us on our own.⁣⁣
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“Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns . . . It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.” (Phil. 4:6-7, The Message)

On repeat over here: Borrowing worry from tomorrow

On repeat over here: Borrowing worry from tomorrow only takes away from today. Let peace lead the way. Go slow. Rest well. Take your time and breathe deep. You don’t have to rush. It’s okay to just be.⁣
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The first image is my own, but the others are from @andrearhowey, @margot.and.co, @morganharpernichols and @jenniferbianca.

I made a mistake last night.⁣ ⁣ I opened Twitt

I made a mistake last night.⁣
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I opened Twitter. Within 3 minutes, my heart was racing, my hands clammy. Disappointment is in the air and the entire world doesn’t know where to turn as everything changes by the minute.⁣
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This is going to sound cliché, but it’s honestly the thing anchoring me right now so I’ll offer it anyway...⁣
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I am so grateful that God doesn’t change, that He isn’t surprised or panicked, and that the world is securely in His hands.⁣
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(One of my small groups is currently studying Psalm 91. Verse 3 describes God as a refuge in the midst of a sudden, deadly disease so HOW’S THAT for timing.)⁣
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I’m a slow processor. I don’t know when (or if) I’ll wrap words around all that’s happening. But I’ve been thinking, listening, praying, and washing my hands. I’m paying attention, and this is what I see:⁣
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- Neighbors leaving toilet paper at doorsteps⁣
- Strangers sharing resources, tips and courses⁣
- Church in living rooms across the nation⁣
- Companies taking care of their employees, not the bottom line⁣
- Singles staying home, completely alone, to protect their neighbors⁣
- Families figuring out a new normal, practicing patience moment by moment⁣
- Health care professionals tirelessly working to fight for and care for our loved ones⁣
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I see beauty. I see a sense of together-ness that feels a little like I imagine the early church in Acts, a community sharing burdens and giving sacrificially out of love.⁣
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There’s loss and disappointment and fear and worry. It’s all there. I know it, see it, and feel it. But faith, hope and love are there too. And in the coming days, I want to be even more mindful of where I look and what I look for.⁣
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Where are you seeing goodness? Who or what is bringing you hope or joy right now? Tell me in the comments. Brag on your people. We could all use an extra dose of hope today. 💛⁣
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P.s. This isn’t really about Twitter. It’s a reminder to myself that where I look and what I turn to matters greatly. #kaitlynsees2020 #beautifulordinarynow

When fall turned to winter (which hello, feels lik

When fall turned to winter (which hello, feels like 87 years ago), I wrote a short “blessing for the changing of the season” for @incourage.⁣⁣⁣
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It seems like more and more changes every single day, and I’ve found myself #preachingtomyownheart as I re-read these lines morning and evening.⁣⁣⁣
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Passing them along in hopes that they’ll encourage you and your loved ones today…⁣⁣⁣
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A blessing for the changing of the season:⁣⁣⁣
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In every high and every low, may we remember that we do not walk alone. There is grace for each moment in a Guide who makes a way and a Friend that stays beside.⁣⁣⁣
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The seasons may change, but His love will remain the same.⁣⁣
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Instead of holding our breath in fear or dread, may we breathe in His abundant grace and breathe out trust in the Keeper of time. With hands open and eyes fixed, may we rest and remember:⁣⁣⁣
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For everything there is a season, and He’s with us in every one.⁣⁣⁣
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—⁣⁣⁣
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Please feel free to save (tap the bookmark) to re-read or share (tap the paper airplane) with others who may need this. The idea of us all sitting inside (please please please care for your neighbors by #socialdistancing) repeating these words makes me a little teary. God, we love You. Help us love one another well.⁣⁣
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#beautifulordinarynow #kaitlynsees2020

God, it seems like fear is spreading faster than a

God, it seems like fear is spreading faster than a virus. We’re walking straight into the unknown, holding more questions than answers in the hands we’re washing meticulously over and over again. ⁣
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We don’t know what tomorrow will bring and honestly, it feels a little bit like the world is spinning wildly out of control.⁣
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But the news is not new to You.⁣
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We’re so used to worrying and hurrying. Remind us how to rest well. Grant us wisdom to do the next right thing, no matter how small. Teach us to choose “even if” instead of “what if.”⁣
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Show us how to grieve the losses that will continue to appear before us in the coming days, and give us eyes to see the blessings in the midst.⁣
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You told us to love our neighbors and to be a light in the darkness. When the pews sit empty and we who were made for community willingly choose isolation out of love, not fear, remind us that you are with us in our loneliness.⁣
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Practicing #socialdistancing is a sacrifice. Love is costly and often inconvenient. But it’s a price worth paying, and You know that better than we ever will.⁣
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May we be a people who love well and wait well, who hold tightly to hope even in the unknown, who believe that the God who sees is greater than any invisible disease.⁣
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May love, peace, hope and kindness spread faster and farther than any virus ever could. ⁣
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Empty pews, or light in the darkness? God, give us eyes to see.⁣
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#beautifulordinarynow #kaitlynsees2020 #thenextrightthing #stayawaketolove

This. Right. Here. “Kingdom success is not about

This. Right. Here. “Kingdom success is not about financial security, retweets, political power, large conferences, book deals, follower counts or talent — it’s about faithfulness to Christ.” (Am I still reading and re-reading this quote from one of the sermons at church last month? 100% yes. I mean 👏🏻)

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