Seasons change. No one can argue that.
Summer is here and don’t get me wrong – I love summer. The days at the pool, not feeling rushed, eating popsicles with every meal…summer is my favorite.
But no one can deny that after summer comes fall, then winter, then spring, and finally summer comes back around.
That’s how life is. Seasons. They come and go; things change.
Deep, I know. This is nothing new, it’s not a concept you’ve never heard before, but let’s just go with it shall we?
Just as the seasons change, people change. In fact, I would argue that the different seasons of life change a person. The girl I am now is not the girl I was in August when I left for college.
The girl I am now is not the girl I was two weeks ago, and I’m certainly not the girl I was three years ago.
Every day changes you just a little bit. One day closer to a season changing, one moment closer to a different place in life.
Do you feel the clock ticking?
It can feel like a bad thing, like there’s a rush to get one more thing done, one more item crossed off your list before it’s too late and fall has arrived…but that isn’t it at all.
Every season has a purpose, and to try to rush through one to get to another, or to drag one out when it’s meant to end…that’s not right. Each season has an appointed time, and we must simply let it be.
Honestly, that’s so hard for me. I want to make the good days last. I want my life to be a never-ending string of happy moments and smiles and joy…but eventually a trial will come. A rainy day will pop in, and summer will gradually change to fall.
And that’s okay.
Life isn’t about making each moment last as long as possible, but about enjoying and savoring each moment for what it is. Yes, even the bad ones. They’re only here for a season; although sometimes winter seems to stretch on forever…
…each time spring always comes.
Spring. Always. Comes.
Tonight I was reminded that every season is simply a season. If you’ve read here for a while, you’ve seen a little glimpse into my broken, shattered heart. Maybe you’ve watched as God has mended me and glued pieces back together, or maybe you don’t know my Story.
For time’s sake, let’s just say my worst nightmares came true. I lost all of my friends, I was betrayed, ran into God’s arms and watched as He carried me through not only a broken heart, but brain surgery to remove a tumor.
My winter seemed to stretch on forever, but then I went off to college and found my place, my home, my friends that are 100% family to me. Spring had arrived. In the midst of that spring time, I began to get sick again and I watched as my spring season allowed winter to creep back in and steal moments of fresh cut grass and flowers blooming, yet I barely even whimpered.
I was holding onto spring as long as I could, and as long as I stayed quiet, who would know winter was already back again?
Maybe if I just pretended it wasn’t there…Maybe spring could stay forever if I just ignored the new season…
But life doesn’t work that way. I had to let the season come, and as I let go I realized sometimes seasons are a bit temperamental and we just don’t see the greater picture. What seemed like winter coming once again was simply a trial, a test, to see where my loyalty was, where I placed control (God has my loyalty, and I must hand back over the reigns daily – as if I ever held them in the first place).
My MRI tests came back normal, and the eye pressure tests are still bad, but not enough that something must be done.
Once again, I’m being told things don’t sound right, the symptoms sound bad, even…but no one knows what to do for me. I went through five months of this before, and it’s the most frustrating thing to know something is wrong and not have any answers…but I must remind myself that this is a season. It will not last, and I cannot allow myself to be upset because spring? It’s still here.
Tonight proved that even move. I know this post is a football field long already, but if you’ve made it this far will you sit with me a few more moments?
These friends of mine that broke my heart completely and then walked away? Tonight I spent a little over an hour sitting and talking (about absolutely nothing) with two of them and some other people. It wasn’t expected, it just sort of happened at a mutual friends party. Oh there were a few awkward moments, but for the most part it was all okay.
I was okay.
I am okay.
I wasn’t sad or upset, not even frustrated. That season of my life was simply that: a season. And there are days where my heart literally hurts inside me because I miss it so much, or I wonder at the question of “what if” or the worst: imagining what it “should have” been and comparing it with my actual real life. That’s rough and those days are terrible, but they are so few and far between now. I’m a different girl.
I am not who I once was, and I am grateful.
I love where I’m at now, I love the people He has surrounded me with and I love that He has shown me each season has a purpose. Those friends carried me through some tough times, and I did the same for them. But I can release that time so that I can enjoy this time.
The seasons have changed, and summer? It’s right around the corner.