We gather. Fast and in five minutes, with sisters and lots of delicious. Every Friday the prompt goes up and #fmfparty slows down. We write. We breathe out our hearts, sharing the hurts and the joys and splitting hearts and words wide open.
START
It’s three notes of a song and I am undone. Two hands clasped tight and one shaky breath in, one more back out.
I rock to the words and my soul sings inside what my voice is too choked up to get out.
My heart knows the song by heart but sometimes I forget to live the words, whisper the words, sing the words when the other notes fall and my hands find themselves in fists instead.
Last week my family was in a car wreck and the following day I received some bad news. There have been deadlines, very little sleep, many days of sickness and one thing after another until I finally couldn’t go any further.
I reached my breaking point and the lies tore through all the defenses that I had so carefully constructed.
I’ve worked so long to tear down that walls that keep out love and to build the walls that will defend against the lies, but the past few days I’ve barely been able to stay afloat. The wrong walls have fallen; lies have entered in. I’ve clawed at the cement and poured over His Truth, reached out for help and refused to sit alone.
The notes play and I can go no further.
Here’s my heart Lord, speak what is true.
Each morning I open my devotional and it is exactly what I need to hear.
Here’s my heart Lord, speak what is true.
I receive two letters in the mail, one with the verse from my morning devotion and another with what I had prayed to the Lord just the night before, almost word for word.
Here’s my heart Lord, speak what is true.
It is Christ in me, the hope of glory, that has brought me to a place where I can even write these words tonight. The lies, they are present and they are strong. They shout their voices loud and tell me I can run but I can never hide. I hear them all the time, when I sit and when I rise and when I close my eyes at night. I wake up and there they are again fighting for my full attention.
But Christ is in me and this is the hope of glory.
He is Truth and He is in me, so I have Truth.
I feel chained up, bound by deep fears and words with just a sliver of enough truth that the entire lie can make me question.
Yet.
Yet He is Freedom and He is in me, so I am free.
I am free.
My one defense is Him and because He is Truth, He defeats every lie that dares whisper. Where He is, I am free.
Truth is ever-present and this I have decided, this I say small until I can shout when the lies whisper fierce:
I may feel chained, bound up, caught up, pushed down, pushed around but I am free. I may feel strapped down but freedom is Christ in me so I will live free until I feel the freedom again. I will run with wind in my hair while the chains drag the ground until I hear them hit the ground.
I am already free.
He is stronger than any other power.
He is louder than any other voice.
He is constant and sure and He is here.
STOP
For more on this, I wrote recently about how I’m learning the importance of being rooted firmly in Him. His Word will stand firm, so why do I sit on shifting sand when there is a sure, solid rock right beneath me?
