I had a dream last night. Do you ever have dreams that are better than your reality? The kind you wake up from and go, “Dang it. Can I just go back to sleep and finish my dream? It’s so much better than real life!”
*Sigh* I had one of those. I woke up and just wanted to go back to my happy dream. It was such a nice one…and so different from my reality.
The girl and I talked in my dream. She pulled me aside and we were alone, for the most part, for about thirty minutes. We didn’t really talk about too many important things, but we didn’t fight.
I miss her hugs. So much. I felt so safe in her arms.
Then I woke up and, as normal, thought of her many times throughout the day. Which meant the dream came back to me and I had to remember that, in reality, she doesn’t even want to be friends with me, much less talk to or hug me.
I’ve been living in the past for part of the day. Memories keep coming back…not really of specific times, but of how she was. How she’s changed…I couldn’t really begin to fully explain it all.
It’s hitting me today. I don’t want it to. I wish I was fine or that it wouldn’t hurt anymore, but I’m not always fine and it does still hurt at times.
I’ve forgiven, but I still hurt. It’s an ugly truth.
I don’t have a point to this post; I just needed/wanted to get my thoughts out.
I need a hug.
I want a hug from her. Because part of me just can’t let her go. Part of me can’t say a final “goodbye” to my sister.
And that’s the ugliest truth of all.