I keep my blog under-wraps. I don’t link to it on Facebook, I don’t tell everyone I know about it, and I try my best to keep it a place where it’s me, my thoughts, and people I don’t really know in real life. Nice people, kind people, and funny people…yes. But, nonetheless, people that I most likely won’t run in to on a regular basis.
I like it that way. I can be me…totally me…and not have people question it. Well, oh sure, they can question it. But what difference does it make? I probably won’t meet them. Plus, it’s just easier without people knowing. Like I said, I can share my heart here and I don’t feel judged.
In real life, I can’t do that.
But see, there’s one tiny little glitch in that plan.
A friend of mine found out yesterday that I have a blog. They’ve read my blog now. They’ve looked over old posts.
And speaking honestly? I’m fine with it. I’m truly okay with it. I trust that they won’t go spread everything around our youth group. I know that they understand that my blog is my “me space”…where I can be me. As I explained to them yesterday, I’m me at church, and I’m me on my blog. But the me on this blog is different. More open. More honest. More vulnerable. Just more me.
That’s not to say I’m fake at church or anything. But, honestly, sometimes I go to church and I put on the smile because it’s just easier. It’s what people expect and I’m happy, really. But sometimes I don’t want to smile. Sometimes I want to scream. Or point at all the people that left me and explain to the youth group what really happened. But I can’t do that. So I show a different side of me.
This blog is all sides of me. And now my friend will see that. And I’m okay with it.
That’s not to say that I didn’t look back through some of my old posts last night. I admit it, I wanted to remind myself what they would now know. And again I say, I’m okay with it.
I will still be me here. I’ll say what I would say if my friend wasn’t reading. I will share what I would normally share. Because this is my “me space.” I like this place. Just because a real-life friend found this place doesn’t mean the content of my blog changes. It doesn’t.
So. A, if you’re reading this (which I think you are), hi! :)
(Yes, you’re now mentioned on my blog. :])
And, yes, I’m okay with that. :)