I feel small. It is the most uncomfortable comfortable. It is unusual and weird and settled inside it feels so right. My eyes aren’t on myself, they’re fixed upward. Whether blue sky or white expanse or the moon shining so bright, I’m stuck on something other than myself and I feel the weight of my smallness.
Nearly a full year ago I stood under that same sky, gathered with strangers who had become family in just a few short days. It’s a weird feeling to look around at eye level and see darkness, only to look up and see the sky aglow.
City lights and street lamps and a world of quick stops and fast food light up around us but they are only a distraction from the Light. Just look up.
Better yet, go where it’s real dark, no earthly lights to distract you, and then raise your head to the sky.
You’ll want to raise your hands, too.
We stood there, silently gathered beneath the blanket of bright lights, thinking and praying, humming worship songs quietly. One by one as we were ready we walked back inside and gathered around the long table.
Gathered under the majesty. Gathered around the table. God was present in both.
Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life.
Philippians 2:14-16, NIV
It was read over us and then it was my turn to speak, to offer encouragement to those around me, and what came out was this:
You don’t have to be cut out. Because of Christ, you’ve already been placed in. We don’t have to be more or try harder to achieve worldly success. We just have to shine like the stars against the dark of night.
Maybe it’s just me, but sometimes standing quietly underneath the sky is the very best way to return to my own smallness. It’s my favorite part of creation, ever-changing but constant. I am always humbled. Sunsets and sunrises and the white moon… and the stars.
One week from now I’ll be standing on that same cracked pavement and I promise I’ll go outside and look up. The land of the always allelujah is calling my name and I’m coming. So very soon.
But the sky is the sky no matter where you are, and maybe tonight you need to hear it, too:
You shine. Against the dark of this world and amidst the hard of life, you shine so brilliantly. You don’t have to worry about being cut out because you have already been placed in. You are right where you are for a reason and He has a purpose for you. Keep on shining even when there are other distractions that pop up. The real Light will always be brightest.
Provide people with a glimpse of good living and of the living God. Carry the light-giving Message into the night so I’ll have good cause to be proud of you on the day that Christ returns.
Philippians 2:15, The Message
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One week from now I’ll be back in Haiti. My heart is so expectant and excited to join in what God is already doing there! Below you’ll find links to five of my favorite stories from my time there last year.
The Circle :: My favorite moment from the trip and the prayer that broke me.
:: Nelson’s story. Out of darkness, light.
:: The song that makes me cry every time.
When God Teaches You How To Read :: So when you meet a man who can only read the Bible? That.
Our Walls Keep *Us* In :: The truth is, the walls we build aren’t helping anyone.
At times our smallness can feel just so insignificant – one of the most important things in this online community, in our tribe as Karrilee calls it, is for us to encourage one another. To let others know that what they are doing, in their everyday, mundane lives is IMPORTANT and is NOTICED. If not to those closest to us then to our Papa God – who notices everything and values it. Oh to get that across to just one certain someone today…xo Blessings as you travel to your heartland!
That Karrilee is pretty smart, isn’t she? :)
I love this so much… and you… and the fact that you get to go back and oh how we will be praying for you!
I’m just so excited! Thank you for carrying the prayers and hearts of many… and for pushing us to begin IF:Table with Voxer.
Praying for you as you return to the part of your heart you left behind last year.
Thank you, Amy. It’s exactly what you said… thank you for understanding and putting it into words.
We just have to shine like the stars against the dark of night. <— love this line. FMF snail mail and blogger friend, Jenn
Happy to have you here today, Jenn!
Loved reading your writing (as always)….good luck with your trip. {An FMF and snail mail party friend}
Well thank you! It’s always a pleasure to have you here.
Sometimes I feel small…and sometimes I feel big enough to know that I am, literally, God’s whole world…after all, Jesus died…for ME.
Personally.
Weird dichotomy.
It’s definitely such a mix… feeling so small and knowing that He still loves us so madly and completely. Leaning into smallness feels right, though.
Kaitlyn this was my verse last year, and it’s carried itself over to this one too! Love this line – “You’ll want to raise your hands too” When we see the greatness of God how can we not worship – AMEN! Blessing for your journey
The verse took on a whole new meaning for me that night as we saw the stars without so many distractions. Thanks for visiting here, Jamie!
Beautiful truth. My smallness has often left me with a sense of greater purpose – a feeling I know could only ever come from the Holy Spirit, because it’s such an unlikely pairing. When I remember how much bigger God is, I come alive in my smallness. Because, why not?
“When I remember how much bigger God is, I come alive in my smallness.” <-- that, exactly.
Prayers for you Kaitlyn as you return to Haiti! I can feel your heartstrings being pulled there!! May God bless you and those you are returning to…
Loved your post; the words “You are right where you are for a reason and He has a purpose for you” really hit home to me – there are so many times I wonder why!! And so many times I look at where I am and know that He has me here for a purpose…and I still wonder why…
Thank you for your wisdom and encouragement!
There is a reason and He knows what it is. Maybe even lots of reasons, ya know?! He isn’t done with you yet.
So excited for you! One of the things I love about living in ND is being able to see the sky as wide and as deep as the eyes can see. Haiti sounds like such an amazing place and holds a special place in my heart since my friend Renees husband Ben lost his life in the Haiti earthquake. Your stories remind me of the stories she has shared of the Haitian people!
I am so sorry to hear about Renee’s loss, Tara. The earthquake feels like a long time ago but when I was in Haiti last Spring it felt like it had just happened. It is still so broken and torn apart, but there is also such joy. I will be thinking of you and Renee as I am there.
You’re going back to Haiti! Woot woot! So excited for you!!
YES CAN’T WAIT! :)
So excited that you are returning to Haiti. Prayers abound, sweet friend, for all that God will do in and through you again this year. Can’t wait to read all about it!
Thank you Holley!!! I’m so excited to listen to the stories waiting for us.
Dear Kaitlyn, this brings tears to my eyes and drops hope into my heart. My smallness has so often left me feeling insignificant. Even damaged somehow. Thank you so much for sharing this.
I’m so thankful that it touched you, Marie. It was such a special moment. Know that you are not insignificant in His kingdom. You are dearly loved by Him!