That and sometimes it’s just better to keep your mouth shut.
It’s not like these are new ideas to me. I feel like I’ve always known these truths. But, over the past two days they’ve become very true to me once again.
I’ve wanted to blog; wanted to write and get out my feelings and thoughts. I was on SUCH a high yesterday and then last night things came crashing down.
As I sat in my room and cried over the mean words that were said to me, I couldn’t help but think, ‘If I hadn’t been on such a high, this wouldn’t seem nearly as bad.’
Well, that and ‘Get over it. Toughen up. Don’t be a wimp.’
But I’d prefer to focus on the first thought, please. Because, really, if yesterday hadn’t been so great…then last night wouldn’t have seemed so horrible. It would have seemed bad, and I would have gotten hurt. But not as badly, that’s for sure.
Do you ever feel like you’re at the top? You’ve been climbing some steep mountain for what seems like FOREVER. You’ve known that, one day, you would reach the top and it would be SO worth it. You’ve looked forward to relishing in the relief of reaching your mountain top (whatever it may be for you). It’s not that the climb is easy, but that the view from the top will be worth it. You just know it will be. And when you reach the top, you’ll have time to enjoy it before having to come back down in order to climb the next mountain.
That’s what I’ve been doing. Climbing. For years I’ve been climbing the mountain I call Math. I’ve struggled and I’ve fallen more times than I can remember or recall. I’ve cried so many tears over problems that made NO sense to me. Problems that everyone I know could look at and go, “Oh that problem? Well the answer to that is..hmm…5.25” and so on and so forth. I’ve never understood math, but I kept “climbing” simply because I had to finish it. To go to college, I must finish math. It’s that simple.
And, for me, it’s that hard. I have taken test after test, and re-taken test after test…hoping that some where along the way it would “click.” Yesterday, while taking yet another test, it finally “clicked.” I wanted to dance and shout and scream all at the same time.
I wanted to tell the world, “EVERYONE WAS RIGHT! THEY PROMISED I WOULD UNDERSTAND SOME DAY! I GET IT NOW!”
And this was very convenient timing because I was on my LAST test. It would figure that I finally understand math when it’s my last test in the book. But I didn’t care at that point because I was DONE. Finished. The end.
But the best news is that I got an A-. In my very worst and most hated subject, I got an A-. I was beyond stoked because it’s been my goal all along to finish every highschool class with an A and it didn’t seem possible…not with this math anyway.
So you can imagine the mountain top I was on. I was so proud of myself. I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt so happy. And then things got nasty at home last night… mean words were said, and I was hurt. Apologies have been made since, but I’ve been reminded that although apologies are great and the right thing, you can’t take back words once they’re spoken.
I know, because I’ve been on the other end. I’ve been the one speaking.
I never expected my mountain top victory dance moment to end so quickly. I feel like I was pushed off the top of the mountain. But I decided earlier today that I’m going to get back on that same old mountain top and I’m going to sit down there for a day or two.
I’m going to sit. And refuse to move. I am going to enjoy the view and be proud of myself for a few days. Years of hard work deserve a few days of being happy with what I’ve accomplished.