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If You’re Somewhere in the Messy Middle

If You’re Somewhere in the Messy Middle

by Kaitlyn Bouchillon | Sep 14, 2020 | (in)courage, Art, Beauty

Several years ago, I followed an embroidery account on Instagram. The wild creativity and intricate detail drew me in, frequently resulting in wide-eyed wonder at the finished projects. Over and over, I told myself, One day I’m going to try that and This will be the...
I Don’t Know What Tomorrow Will Bring, But . . .

I Don’t Know What Tomorrow Will Bring, But . . .

by Kaitlyn Bouchillon | Jul 31, 2020 | (in)courage, Devotional, Even If Not, Faith, Faithful, My Health Story

My hands hover over the keyboard. I don’t want to write this post. I don’t really want to write any post at all, actually, even though my mind is constantly writing sentences and storylines throughout the day. Part of me wants to blame it on the pandemic, and while...
When Worry and Fear Weigh You Down

When Worry and Fear Weigh You Down

by Kaitlyn Bouchillon | May 18, 2020 | (in)courage, Brave, Devotional, Easter, Faith, Fear, Prayer

Well friends, the timing of this post is really something. I shared the news this morning and I’ll say more about this in my newsletter (going out in a few days), but my grandfather passed away last week. A few minutes after turning in my May (in)courage post...
You Have Not Been Forgotten or Overlooked

You Have Not Been Forgotten or Overlooked

by Kaitlyn Bouchillon | Feb 18, 2020 | (in)courage, Brave, Broken and Raw, Faith, Love

I’ll admit, the month of February brings with it a sense of dread. I don’t mind the flowers, chocolates, or the emphasis on love. No, as a single woman, it’s the looks of pity, as questions and doubts that have played in my head are suddenly spoken aloud by loved ones...
For the One Who Is Dreading Winter (free print)

For the One Who Is Dreading Winter (free print)

by Kaitlyn Bouchillon | Dec 5, 2019 | (in)courage, Christmas, Devotional, Faith, Freebies, Printables

I grew up with palm trees overhead and flip-flops on my feet every single Christmas. Florida doesn’t exactly celebrate “the changing of the seasons,” which might explain why I will pull the car over just to get a picture of the leaves changing and clap my hands at the...
Darkness Doesn’t Get the Final Say

Darkness Doesn’t Get the Final Say

by Kaitlyn Bouchillon | Aug 3, 2019 | (in)courage, Devotional, Faith, My Health Story

Nine years ago, at the age of seventeen, I had brain surgery to remove a tumor the size of a golf ball. For months, sickness snuck up on me in the early morning hours and hung on until night fell and sleep took over. No matter who we spoke with or what we tried, there...
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RECENT POSTS:

  • Advent Books and Bible Studies
  • Where Were You, God?
  • If You’re Somewhere in the Messy Middle
  • 14 Can’t-Miss Books Coming in 2020: September-December
  • Seven Things I Learned This Summer

MY BOOK // Even If Not: Living, Loving, and Learning in the in Between

Even If Not: Living, Loving and Learning in the in Between

kaitlyn_bouch

📚Author of #EvenIfNotBook
✏️Writer: kaitlynbouchillon.com
☕️Lover of iced coffee
💻Virtual Assistant
Your worth isn’t dependent on your work. It isn’t tied to your progress or accomplishments, your checked-off To Do list, your bank account or the number of likes on your last Instagram post.⁣ ⁣ The things you do matter. Your work matters. But if it all disappeared in an instant, if you lost your job, if your body refused to work like you longed for it to, if you suddenly couldn’t do what you’re doing today…⁣ ⁣ Your worth would not change.⁣ ⁣ You would not be a disappointment. You would not be called Less Than or labeled Not Good Enough.⁣ ⁣ You would be named: beloved.⁣ ⁣ Whatever is yours to do today, do it well. But rest in this: the One who made you and named you declared you to be worth it all before you had done anything at all.
A question and an invitation… One minute on soci A question and an invitation… One minute on social media is enough to remind you: there are plenty of very real reasons to be sad, disappointed, scared, confused, and overwhelmed right here and right now, in a year described as a dumpster fire.⁣ ⁣ It’s all A LOT. But my word for the year is “see” (I know. It’s been a whole thing.) and I just keep thinking… What we look for and call out now might very well matter down the road. I don’t want to look back on 2020 and only remember being sad, disappointed, etc.⁣ ⁣ A few weeks ago, I saw this tree just off a nearby trail. I love when the leaves begin to glow red and orange, so an abundance of green in November is far from my favorite. Yet it’s that very same green that made the fire red leaves stand out.⁣ ⁣ It’s easy to see the bad, but if we believe that God is good and God is with us, then goodness MUST be here too. In 2020. Right here. Right now.⁣ ⁣ Where do you see GOOD today?⁣ ⁣ That’s what I’m asking myself each day now… and I’d really love to see your answer. It can be big and grand, but I bet it’ll show up small and simple. Take a picture in the moment today or scroll through pictures from earlier this year. Post with the hashtag #seethegood2020 and tag me. Show me what you see! (I’ll share a few of your posts.)⁣ ⁣ The good is already here. Let’s remember to look for it now so we can one day look back and remember.⁣ ⁣ (Do you follow @jenniferdukeslee? If not, you might want to check the P.S. in the comments. 😂) #kaitlynsees2020
It just seems like taking a selfie on my birthday It just seems like taking a selfie on my birthday is the actual least I can do for my “send me a picture!” mom… seeing as, you know, she went through labor and such. So — happy Monday and happy selfie and happy birthday to me. 😂⁣ ⁣ I’ve never done this before but 2020 seems like a good one for it. 7 things from year 27:⁣ ⁣ 📦 I moved.⁣ ⁣ 🎄 I put the tree back up in April when the world shut down (Happy Christmas and Merry Easter).⁣ ⁣ 👩🏻‍💻 I managed book launch teams for 18 new releases.⁣ ⁣ 🙌🏻 I celebrated 10 years brain tumor free.⁣ ⁣ ♥️ I said “see you soon” to Pap-Pop.⁣ ⁣ 🧵 I started / finished my first embroidery hoop.⁣ ⁣ 📚 I read 84 books.⁣ ⁣ Bonus because although it’s obvious, it’s worth documenting: I experienced my first (and hopefully only) global pandemic. 😳🦠⁉️🧻🤳🏻 📆😅🔥🙅🏻‍♀️🙏🏻🙃⁣ ⁣ If 27 taught me anything, it’s that I sure don’t know what tomorrow will bring… and so perhaps the best thing I can do is love well right here, being present in today, while trusting the future to the One who holds it.⁣ ⁣ I’m curious 👉🏻 would you share in the comments as a birthday gift to me? I’d love to know: what is one thing you’d like to tell your 28-year-old self?
Back when the phrase “unprecedented times” mea Back when the phrase “unprecedented times” meant exactly nothing to me, I wrote down several truths to hold onto as a response to a really difficult personal, not global, situation. I scrolled back a good ways yesterday, searching for a quote for a writing project, and stumbled on those words from 2018.⁣ ⁣ It turns out the truth is still true.⁣ ⁣ A global pandemic? 9 months (and counting) without entering a church building? Grabbing dinner to go and not thinking twice about seeing masks on mannequins in the store window next door?⁣ ⁣ 2020 has held changes we never saw coming and as simple as the words are, today I’m just really grateful that in all of it, God hasn’t changed.⁣ ⁣ We can sing into the night, believing that praise is a weapon and He will be our light. He leads the way and He goes behind. He comes close and stays with. Storms will come and the waters will rise, but we won’t drown. We can stand before a giant and declare victory in His strength, knowing the battle is already won. It is done. Done! We won’t be overcome. This isn’t ignorance or denial — this is remembering. This is trusting He is a way-making, promise-keeping, battle-winning, water-walking, storm-stilling faithful friend and savior. He was then. He is now. Forever He will be.
Another bill arrived from the appointment without Another bill arrived from the appointment without answers. I opened it with frustration and a little bit of dread. Unfolding the paper, I stared at $0.00 and said “Really? Nothing? They won't cover even one penny?” to an empty room. I sighed, contacted my insurance company, and wrote another check.⁣ ⁣ I wouldn’t have told you any of this except that two days later, a note arrived from the author of one of the book launch teams I’m managing. My breath caught as I read the last sentence:⁣ ⁣ “You’re worth every penny.”⁣ ⁣ The words are very kind, no doubt about it. They would have meant a lot on any day of any month of any year. But more than the phrase, though I’ll 100% hold onto that too, it’s the timing and the specifics. The details. Before I held a bill, someone else picked up the pen and mailed a note.⁣ ⁣ A friend called after my initial doctor’s appointment to say she was proud of me for making the call, for showing up, and for saying I’m worth the cost of the bill. That might sound really strange, but she’s an enneagram 2… so she knew. She recognized the mental/emotional wrestling to show up for yourself like you would for your people. She knew the thoughts that might come. (Was this even worth it? Was I worth it? What a waste of money etc etc etc)⁣ ⁣ Sometimes the God who put on flesh shows up in your mailbox to remind you of Truth. Paid in full a long, long time ago.⁣ ⁣ I’m guessing someone needs to hear it today, too. 👉🏻 Believe it for yourself… God already does. You’re worth every penny.⁣ ⁣ (@marygeisen, your note will be saved for a long time. Thank you. 💛)
A burning bush on a Monday morning. It’s a mirac A burning bush on a Monday morning. It’s a miracle: God is with us. Here. Now. Always. Grace and peace to you this week. ♥️
There’s a simmering, a hand-wringing happening, There’s a simmering, a hand-wringing happening, and I keep coming back to these words. Somehow knowing that He already knows, has always known, settles the simmer inside and stills my racing mind.⁣ ⁣ That isn’t to say the outcome of this election doesn’t matter, because it does in a lot of very real ways. But it reminds me that God is not shocked or scared, fearful or worried about what this page of the story will say. The headlines are not breaking, the news is not new, and He’s well aware of all the coming days will hold because He already holds them.⁣ ⁣ There’s a promise from way back when but it’s also for here and now: “Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you.”⁣ ⁣ The first time I came across 1 Peter 5 in the Message version, I gasped out loud and then read it over and over. I’m so quick to be full of cares, and all the while God is full of care — for me. For you.⁣ ⁣ A few verses later it says “Keep a firm grip on the faith… He gets the last word. Yes, He does.”⁣ ⁣ There will soon be Another Thing to wring our hands over. And there will be a God who holds us in His own, who is the Word and gets the final word.⁣ ⁣ There and then, here and now. God won’t be surprised, but He will be faithful.
The first time I broke my wrist, I was twirling. A The first time I broke my wrist, I was twirling. Arms spread out, I spun in circles from one room to another. I don’t remember music playing in the background, but I distinctly remember the whack against a door that was closer than I knew, the shock of shooting pain that followed, the cry for help, the disbelief, the tears that ran.⁣ ⁣ A few days later, a scan showed broken pieces the eye couldn’t see. I wore a cast and time did its thing. My wrist healed and I continued to dance, but I was a little less free, a little more care-full.⁣ ⁣ A decade later, my other wrist snapped. I stood up from a rolling desk chair to grab a piece of paper from the printer just barely out of reach and my brother pulled the chair away. I guess he needed it, but I didn’t know it, and so I sat right back down. Except, not. My wrist broke the fall. ⁣ ⁣ Yesterday held up a mirror to the United States and the reflection shows: divided. Broken, left and right.⁣ ⁣ And let’s call it like it is: 2020 has felt a little like running into a door. And also like the chair being pulled out from under you.⁣ ⁣ We are, as a people, weary. We’re hurting and we’re tired and we’re tired of being tired. We’re also resilient. We’re care-full and we’re hope-full. Both/and.⁣ ⁣ It’s been so long since I thought about my broken wrists that I asked God “Why bring these memories to mind today?” There wasn’t an answer, but I’m using both hands to type these words and I wonder if it’s simply this: He’s really good at healing broken things.⁣ ⁣ So tonight, in this we-still-don’t-know moment, when emotions and tensions and worries and hopes are high, I’m turning the music on. ⁣ ⁣ I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but tonight, I think I’ll choose to twirl.
Last year. Central Park. It was a day of answered Last year. Central Park. It was a day of answered prayers and I’ll never forget it. I noticed the time, pulled out the book I carried around the city, and snapped this picture.⁣ ⁣ A few years earlier, at 4:52pm according to my camera roll, I finished the very last edit of #EvenIfNotBook. A parade of princesses and firefighters and superheroes walked by outside the coffee shop as I smiled and blinked back tears.⁣⁣ ⁣ This year involves pieces of both, coffee this morning and a walk this afternoon, but it’s 2020 and so I’m home. It’s ordinary. (It’s still good.)⁣ ⁣ I wrote “The End” on a Halloween afternoon 5 years ago and at that very moment, less than 5 people knew I was working on a book. It was quiet and hard work, a string of ordinary days of simply continuing to show up. ⁣ ⁣⁣ Can I just say... If you're holding tight to a dream or plugging away in the quiet, keep going. Take the next right step. Choose to be faithful in the mundane, monotonous, seemingly ordinary. It adds up. It matters. Whether the world ever sees or takes notice, you are loved and known and seen — already.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ It isn't about a finished project, it's about faithful obedience.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ That manuscript was printed and bound and has been shipped (and carried, by yours truly) around the world. I hope and pray that God is pleased, glorified on every page... but even if it never made it past a Word document, it mattered. Because every sentence was an act of obedience, an offering poured out. So keep going. Write or create or make or dream. Do the thing you can't NOT do, even if no one ever sees.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ He sees. He knows. And that is (more than) enough.
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